


Silent Song

by MagiquePillow



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: (not a real) singer myungjun, Cute, M/M, Minor Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin, deaf jinwoo, mechanics jinwoo and minhyuk, very insecure jinwoo, very light angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:35:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23087137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagiquePillow/pseuds/MagiquePillow
Summary: Even though everything was silent in Jinwoo's ears, he was still listening to Myungjun's songs.
Relationships: Kim Myungjun | MJ/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin, Moon Bin & Park Minhyuk | Rocky
Comments: 26
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> This is my first work (not my first fanfic, but my first english and astro fanfic), english isn't my native language, i'm french, and i'd like to thank [Faeradam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faeradam/pseuds/Faeradam) (i hope the link works) who helped me by correcting my mistakes and supporting me <3  
> I hope you'll like it!! :D

Jinwoo was born deaf. He was used to people pitying him because of his disability, because he couldn't identify his surroundings by the sounds, he couldn't listen to music, he couldn't communicate verbally, but Jinwoo never felt the need to be pitied. He was born like this, he hadn't lost his hearing, he didn't know how it felt to hear, so he had learned to live with his handicap since his childhood. His life was just quiet, no sounds to bother his peacefulness.

Even if the actual society allowed deaf people to do a lot of things they couldn't do in the past, many jobs were still inaccessible for them. He couldn't work in jobs that required all his five senses, and honestly, he preferred work somewhere he didn't have to communicate too much with people. He was only twenty-three, and he was already bored of being treated like a kid. Indeed, he couldn't hear. But he could see, touch, smell, taste and if he wanted to talk with someone who didn't understand the sign language, he just needed a piece of paper and a pen or his phone. And this is why he chose to be a mechanic. 

He liked his job, he liked to use his hands and he felt useful. His co-workers were more in contact with the customers, and they never complained about Jinwoo's hearing problems. He was a good employee, he always did a great job and he got along with his colleagues. He was one of the youngest workers, most of them were thirty or more, the only one close to his age was a new employee, he was hired six months ago and despite his young age, he worked hard and it was well received by the co-workers. He was pretty calm, Jinwoo liked him. He was named Park Minhyuk, he was mature for only twenty years old, but sometimes his childish part emerged, and Jinwoo thought it was extremely cute, even if the boy didn't like being called 'cute'.

Today was a proof of that childlike part. Minhyuk had been anxious all day, and everyone noticed it, but he didn't explain why, and said “I'm okay.” with his usual voice tone whenever someone tried to ask him. Jinwoo was the only one who didn't ask him, because he saw Minhyuk didn't want them to know, so at the end of the day, before he went home, Jinwoo pulled the youngest's sleeve and gestured to him the break room. Though, he moved his arm and seemed to say something that Jinwoo didn't understand by trying to read his lips too late.

When he saw Minhyuk leaving, Jinwoo took his phone and sent a message to him. Jinwoo had tried to learn how to use his voice, because he still could feel in his throat when his voice came out. But it was something stressful, he felt his vocal cords vibrating when he spoke, but he wasn't sure if it was loud enough, or too loud. However, it wasn't the thing that makes him uncomfortable. He didn't know if he formulated the words well, when he was a child, many other kids had bullied him for that, imitating him (he had guessed it because the others had laughed at how the kids had acted in front of him) and had made fun of him because of his deafness. So he gave up, he was deaf and it was not possible for someone who never heard in his life to pronounce words. He was forced to accept this reality, it had stopped abruptly his attempt to be a normal child, and he couldn't blame anyone but himself for being born like that. This is how he had grown up ashamed of his handicap, and even if now he was more comfortable with it, he'd rather write than force himself to speak to communicate with people that don't know the sign language.

Minhyuk stopped, so he understood he received the message. Luckily, he was a respectful man, and knew even if Jinwoo had a voice, he didn't use it at all, so he read the message, but he didn't answer it. Jinwoo was worried for his friend. Although he didn't know if he really could call him his friend but they were close enough to talk when one of them was not okay. He sent a second message, more insistent, hoping he would receive a reply this time. 

Minhyuk seemed to think about something, so he guessed he was looking for an answer. A few seconds later, the youngest began to talk. “I'm sorry hyung, I didn't want to worry you, I just have something that's making me feel stressed but it's not something bad I guess, you don't need to worry about me, but thank you for your concern.” He was relieved it was not something bad, but wanted to know, especially seeing the young man so uncomfortable. Jinwoo glanced at him, indicating he wasn't going to give up. Minhyuk just sighed and finally decided to explain something. But this time, he took his phone out to type it, Jinwoo thought that maybe he didn't want their co-workers to know his problem. When he received the message, Jinwoo could see a slight blush on the boy's cheeks, something that made him more curious than he already was.

“Don't laugh at me, okay? I have a friend who's a guitarist and he's going to perform tonight in a bar frequently visited by amateur artists like him. I know he performs there every first Friday of the month, but I never went to see him playing and I'm scared he'll find it weird since we don't talk often since I quit high school two years ago.” Jinwoo clearly didn't expect that, and he couldn't keep his lips from smiling, and he saw Minhyuk yelling something and blushing harder. He found it extremely cute. _“I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your friend but you seem to really like them or you wouldn't been anxious all day only for this. You don't have to worry, I'm sure they will be happy to see you, especially if you were friends. And why don't you go with a friend ? It can help you to feel less anxious._ ”

When he read the message, a sad look passed through his eyes, and Jinwoo felt a bit of guilt in his stomach, maybe he said something clumsy. After he finished writing his message, Minhyuk seemed hesitate before sending it. “We are just friends, don't misinterpret our relationship hyung. And I don't have friends who want to come with me.” 

This time, Jinwoo realised something particular. He read the first message a second time to confirm his doubt. He didn't misread; his friend wasn't a girl. Jinwoo choose not to make any comment about the fact it was a guy, his blush clearly showed he was not only a friend to him. He thought about asking Minhyuk if he wanted him to come but he didn't know if it was a good idea, Jinwoo was deaf, he would just stand there and do nothing. He proposed it even if he found it useless. Surprisingly, Minhyuk smiled widely. 

“Really? Doesn't it bother you?” He said, happily.

Jinwoo felt relieved, seeing him so happy to know that Jinwoo would come with him made Jinwoo himself happy. If Minhyuk liked the idea even if Jinwoo would not attend it like a normal person, it was okay. So Jinwoo just smiled and nodded. He had nothing else to do this evening, he didn't go outside often, except to work and to go shopping. It was a good opportunity to drink a bit and to meet new people.

They set the outing at half past eight in the evening, his friend performing fifteen minutes later. Jinwoo choose to wear simple clothes, a pair of jeans, a shirt and a jacket. They were in spring, he didn't have to wear too warm clothes. He could see that Minhyuk opted for the same lightness. Jinwoo waved at him with a smile on his lips, but he was greeted by a frown. 

“You're late! Sanha will perform in few minutes, I don't want to miss him!” Minhyuk said with a shaking voice, showing his stress. Jinwoo giggled quietly, something Minhyuk didn't miss, he grumbled and went inside the bar without him. His behaviour was childish and Jinwoo couldn't help but think it was extremely cute as he followed him inside.

When he stepped in, Jinwoo was surprised, the bar was not too spacious, but not too tight, and a lot of people was here, drinking their drinks as they were talking. The atmosphere was nice, he could feel slight vibrations that indicated the music wasn't too loud. He noticed that nobody was on the stage, so he supposed the music came from a radio or songs the staff chose, he didn't know, and honestly, he didn't care. He sat at the small table Minhyuk was sitting at, still stressed. Jinwoo patted his back and smiled warmly, trying to comfort him. It seemed to work because the younger relaxed a bit and smiled back. 

After few seconds, Minhyuk suggested to order drinks for both of them, to thank him for coming with him. While Minhyuk was at the bar, Jinwoo could see the curtains open, revealing a chair and a mic held by a mic stand. A tall man walked in, holding a guitar, Jinwoo guessed it was Minhyuk's friend, Sanha, and it was confirmed by the younger who came back quickly to his seat and breathed heavily. His eyes were focused on the man who sat on the chair, adjusting the mic. He didn't seem to notice the intense look Minhyuk was giving, undisturbed by the people who began to stop their talk to concentrate on him. 

Few seconds later, he moved his head to look at the crowd and smiled shyly. "Hi everyone! I will sing _Every Day, Every moment_ by Paul Kim." Jinwoo read on his lips. A second later, he began to strum the strings of his guitar. Jinwoo moved his head to take the drinks Minhyuk ordered earlier and smiled at the waiter who brought them to thank him. Minhyuk didn't seemed to notice him, too focused on the singer. He wasn't the only one, a lot of people, more than before, stopped their conversations to admire the young man on the stage. After what Jinwoo guessed was the chorus, the crowd cheered and applauded him, Minhyuk stood up and screamed something Jinwoo didn't catch, but the huge smile on his face suggested that it was an encouragement. The public stopped its applause while Sanha began to sing the next verse. Jinwoo felt guilty, because he wasn't amazed like everyone, and quietly drank his beer. When the song ended, the cheers seemed louder than during the song, dozen of people stood up, including Minhyuk again, showing their support. Jinwoo clapped his hands, he didn't want to seem rude, and could only suppose this guy was a good singer and guitarist. 

After thanking the public, Sanha left the stage with his instrument, and the light turned off, probably for preparing the place for the next artist. Minhyuk sat more stressed than before and drank his beer in one swallow. "I will greet Sanha backstage, see you later hyung." he said, without waiting for Jinwoo's answer, he left him. 

Jinwoo didn't want to prevent him from seeing his friend, but he didn't want to be alone here. He was deaf, what would people think if they tried to talk to him and saw that he was deaf? This was a bar where artists came to sing and play music, why would a deaf man be here? He took his phone out to send a message to Minhyuk, but he quickly realised the younger forgot his phone on the table they'd shared. He had been too excited to see his friend. 

While Jinwoo was panicking about the fact people would maybe judge him, the lights were turned on again, but this time, nothing was on the stage. A light lit up a corner, and a man appeared. He was smaller than Sanha, but seemed to be as young as he was. He was pretty, really pretty. He had smooth brown hair and nice lips. Suddenly, as he placed himself at the centre of the stage, he smiled widely at the public and said (more screamed, given the vibrations Jinwoo felt). “Good evening everybody! I hope you're all having fun! Tonight, I'm going to sing _Unconditionally_ by Park Sang Cheol! I hope you'll enjoy it!” And then, the music began. The song was more dynamic than the previous, he could guess it at the movement in the crowd, they started to dance a bit, and at the vibrations quivering in the air. After a few seconds, he sang the first lyrics. The man was lively, he was alone on this tiny stage, but he controlled the whole crowd in less than one second. It wasn't his singing skills, but his joyful personality. His contagious smile attracted every person in this room, even Jinwoo who was deaf wanted to stand up and dance with the other people. But he didn't do it, his eyes were too focused at admiring the singer. Jinwoo liked this kind of person, everyone liked them, they were unashamed, happy and they had a lot of friends. Jinwoo didn't know if this man was a good singer or just a common person who knew how to animate an audience, but the public seemed to really like him, he even noticed that there were more people than before, so he guessed he was also a good singer.  
Jinwoo's eyes were focused on him during the entire song, he only looked away when Minhyuk came back with Sanha who carried his guitar, sitting beside him. He wanted to look again at the singer but Minhyuk distracted him to introduce his friend. 

“Hyung, this is Sanha! And Sanha, this is Jinwoo hyung, a co-worker and a friend.” Minhyuk explained, gesturing with his arms to make sure Jinwoo understood him. Jinwoo noticed that the stress Minhyuk felt before leaving him for his friend seemed to be gone. He smiled politely at the youngest, who smiled back and greeted him. Jinwoo only nodded, unable to answer verbally. Sanha didn't seem to know his disability, and Jinwoo saw him shifting uncomfortably on his seat. Minhyuk didn't seem to notice the unpleasant silence that took place between his two friends, and cheerfully continued his conversation with the guitarist. Jinwoo didn't do anything, used to this and he would rather set apart than disturb Minhyuk's happiness, considering he didn't have the opportunity to see him smile like that.  
After a few minutes, he got bored of watching them talking about things he didn't catch or understand, so his eyes looked at the bar, at the people who were talking and drinking alcohol. Speaking of alcohol, Jinwoo noticed his glass was empty, and decided he needed to move, being on his seat since they had first arrived. So he stood up, and gestured to the counter when Minhyuk asked where he was going. He stopped when he saw one of the men who was serving their customers. It was the previous singer, the cheerful one, who seemed to give a good ambiance in the room. He stepped toward him, but the man was busy with others clients, so he chose to sit again, but on one of the free bar stools instead. He placed his chin on the palm of his hand and eyed gently his surroundings, not having looked at this part of the bar yet. By the time he tried to distinguish what alcohol was on the bottle at the end of the counter, the bartender came in front of him with a polite smile. 

“What do you want, Sir?” asked the man. Jinwoo didn't react at first, too surprised by his unexpected appearance, and rose his eyes toward him tilting his head. The bartender repeated his question with a smirk, but still well-behaved as his work required it. Jinwoo lowered his gaze, he didn't want to let him know he was deaf, so he showed his empty beer glass and the man seemed to understand, although a bit annoyed by his customer's behaviour, probably finding him impolite because he didn't answered verbally. He disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a new glass filled with the alcohol. He put it down violently, and said with a frown “Enjoy your drink.”, but he seemed to soften when he saw the worried look on Jinwoo's face.  
“I don't know why you're worried but be polite and talk instead of showing your glass like you did.” Jinwoo hurriedly nodded his head and try to make a slight smile while he was holding money to pay for his drink. The bartender sighed and took the bills “You could at least say 'okay.'”. Jinwoo irritated him again, and guilt grew inside his stomach. He didn't want to upset him, but even if he tried his best to look like a normal person, he couldn't hide indefinitely his disability, so he took his phone to open a note application and wrote “ _I can't talk._ ”. He grabbed the sleeve of the man's shirt in an attempt to call him quietly. It worked, he turned his head, but of course, he didn't look pleased to have his sleeve pulled like that. 

“What-” He didn't get the time to say his sentence before the phone was in front of him. His angry look fell down within seconds while he read the short text. He suddenly felt confused and stuttered some apologies, moving his hands and panic took over his eyes. Jinwoo felt a bit bad lying to him, but it was not fully a lie, he really couldn't talk, and he didn't want him to know he was deaf, he would probably ask why he was there and Jinwoo would be ashamed again of his deafness. Then he smiled at him, and wrote a new text “ _Don't worry, I understand your reaction, it was rude of me for acting like that, I should have told you this before, I'm sorry._ ” The bartender relaxed and smiled too “No, it's okay, I can understand why you didn't tell me, it can't be easy to have this handicap.” In answer, Jinwoo smiled softly, glad that the atmosphere between them felt lighter. 

When he was taking a sip of his drink, he suddenly felt the weight of a hand on his shoulder. He naturally looked over it to see who was behind him, and he wasn't surprised to see Minhyuk. He could read on his lips that he was leaving the bar, and Jinwoo perceived a slight disappointment in his stomach, but he didn't have any reason to stay there, so he just smiled to the younger and nodded. He turned his head to say goodbye to the cute bartender but he sadly could see that he was already gone, serving other clients. 

Then, it was without a last word that he left the bar with his friend. He went back home hurriedly, Jinwoo didn't like to be alone in the streets in the middle of the night. He fell on his bed, tired because he wasn't used to go outside like that, but the tiredness was mainly caused by his stressed-out thoughts that haunted him all evening. He quickly changed into his pyjamas and went back under his warm cover, his head pressed against the soft pillow. He looked one last time at his phone before falling asleep, after unlocking it, he saw the last application he had opened was his notes, and then in front of his eyes were the few sentences he exchanged with the bartender. The pretty bartender. He couldn't stop his brain from imagining the soft lips on which he had read his words. He couldn't stop his brain from dreaming about how cute and precious the bartender had been after learning he couldn't talk. He couldn't stop his brain from dreaming about how stunning the singer had been when he had sung on stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading my first chapter ywy  
> I used real covers for the songs:  
> Sanha: [Everyday Every Moment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kskg_XkM4RA) (i chose this one but there are a lot of different videos of him singing it)  
> MJ: [Unconditionally](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ7P4C822JI)  
> (again i hope the links work)
> 
> I honestly don't think this chapter is the best i've written, but i still hope you enjoyed it a bit!


	2. Chapter 2

It had taken eight days for Jinwoo's brain to stop thinking of the cute singer he had met at the bar a month ago. Fortunately, he hadn't gone back to the bar, and he hadn't thought of going to it again. If he tried, he was afraid that he would grow too attached to his infectious smile. However, Minhyuk thought differently, and exactly twenty nine days after, he came back asking Jinwoo if he could come with him a second time for the monthly performance of his friend. Jinwoo clearly wanted to refuse it, but his inner parts, the nice one, said he should go with him because there was no reason that he couldn't, and the selfish one, said he should go because he wanted to see the cute guy again. Also, he couldn't resist Minhyuk's adorable eyes when he asked something. After a few minutes, Jinwoo gave up and accepted the invitation to go with him.

That's how he came back to this bar, late again, but Minhyuk hadn't scolded him this time. Also, he wasn't as stressed as he was when they came the other day. He was quiet, although a bit excited, and Jinwoo wondered why he asked him to come again. He understood that the last time he needed a friend to come with him in case Sanha rejected him, but now he knew Sanha had accepted him, so he was useless this time. Was he going to say something risky? And if it was that, what was it? After seeing how he had acted when Jinwoo had tried to understand his problem, Jinwoo had guessed that this friend was _more_ than a friend, but it was only the second time they would see each other (except if Minhyuk hadn't told him they had met again), so it was too sped up, he should take his time, right? Or maybe it was in Minhyuks nature to be quick, maybe he wanted to be sure before deepening their relationship. But still, it wasn't how Jinwoo would have done it. Jinwoo was, and had always been, slow. He liked to take things slowly. Especially when it was for his relationships, his brain was already slow, so when his feelings came up, he was unable to make fast decisions, and paired with his deafness, he was generally described as boring. The longest relationship he had lasted six months, and he was still wondering after all that time how his old girlfriend could have stayed with him for so long.

Like the previous time they'd been there, they sat at a small table and Minhyuk went to the counter to order drinks. But this time he came back before Sanha's performance began, and he was relaxed. Instinctively, Jinwoo's eyes were looking for the bartender who had haunted his thoughts for a whole week, but the lights were turned off to allow the artist to shine. Thankfully, not all the lights had been turned off because that would have prevented the workers from doing their work, so the counter lights were still on, and his eyes finally found what they were looking for. He was there, smiling politely at the customer he was giving their drink. He secretly wanted to go there and to talk with him again but he knew it would be weird, he had nothing to say and if he had been so kind with him after learning he wasn't able to speak, it was only because he had to be nice with his clients, nothing more (his inner part tried to remind him that he had been pissed before he had learned the reason why Jinwoo wasn't talking to him). Raising his hand to take another sip of his beer, he noticed that his glass was empty, and he took this as an opportunity to talk to him without seeming weird. But the chance wasn't with him, and before we could just leave his chair, the lights were turned on and the pretty man disappeared behind a door. A new bartender took his place, and he wasn't as cute as the man he wanted to see. So he slumped down against the back of his chair and waited, because he guessed that he was going to go on stage, as he had the last time. 

Surprisingly (not really, thought Jinwoo afterwards), Sanha came straight after putting his guitar backstage to see them. He sat on the chair in front of them and greeted them with his natural cheerfulness. Like last time again, Minhyuk and Sanha forgot Jinwoo and talked about things that only they knew (or maybe Jinwoo could be a part of this conversation but he made no effort for it). Then, the room became dark and a bright vibration shook Jinwoo's body. Suddenly, the cute guy jumped on the stage and happily greeted his audience and presented the song he was going to sing (then Jinwoo figured out that the vibrations were probably the instruments). 

Once again, Jinwoo's eyes were lost in admiration of the singer. Everyone could see in his gaze that was passion. He loved to sing, he loved to dance joyfully, to move his hips in rhythm with the vibrations given by the music and to draw the audience into his song. And Jinwoo thought he would love to watch him all day. But his reason hit him quickly (probably the only thing that was quick with him), helping him to realise he was definitely not going to have even a crush on him. He didn't know him, and if Jinwoo hated something, it was judging someone by their appearance, and it was what he was doing by falling for him without really knowing who he was (he ignored his inner part saying that he liked what little of his personality he had seen). Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed his performance had ended and the object of his thoughts was gone.

He put his chin on the palm of his hand trying to calm his nerves. He was going to give himself a headache for something useless. Mechanically, he glanced at Sanha's moving lips to read on them. “Honestly, I figured out that was why you came to see me.” It piqued on Jinwoo's curiosity. Was Minhyuk confessing to his friend? It was brave of him to do that in front of him, even if couldn't hear him, he was still there. Minhyuk seemed to say something, and Sanha's face stayed neutral, then he sighed. Jinwoo felt a bit bad, did his confession bore him? It could explain why Minhyuk felt so anxious. Then, the youngest opened his mouth. “You must have guessed it, but he moved out and he lives now with his boyfriend.”

_What?_

Did Jinwoo misread? No, he was really good at it, he could have maybe misread a word but not a whole sentence, so did he misinterpret the conversation? Wasn't Minhyuk giving a confession to Sanha? Who was the guy they were talking about? An old friend? They were from the same high school, so maybe he came from it. But why did Sanha sigh? “Yeah, he has a boyfriend. They've been together for a year now. His name is Dongmin.” Sanha's expression changed into a sympathetic smile. “He literally forgot you. Or put you in the past at least.” He took a pause, then his face turned into a mocking smile. “And Dongmin hyung is much prettier than you are, and more polite. He smiles a lot more and he's smart. Oh, and faithful too. A perfect boyfriend, a lot more than you were before you two broke up.” Sanha clearly wanted to continue his monologue but he was interrupted by Minhyuk who pulled Jinwoo's sleeve.

“Please hyung, our glasses are empty, can you order drinks for us?” He was almost begging, he didn't want Jinwoo to know more of it, but Jinwoo easily saw the poorly hidden pain in his eyes. His smile was fake, and his shaking voice didn't help him in his attempt of hiding his emotional state. Of course, Jinwoo accepted, but not without giving an angry gaze to the guitarist. But he softened when he noticed that Sanha felt guilty for his teasing. “Can you order an Ice Tea? For both of us, I don't think it would be good for Minhyuk hyung to drink alcohol. I'll pay for them, your drink too.” He held out some money while saying it, and Jinwoo didn't hesitate before taking it. He looked one last time at Minhyuk and smiled kindly to him and patted his hair gently to comfort him. He was sure he saw his eyes getting wet.

When he arrived at the counter, the cute bartender was already busy with a client, so Jinwoo sat on one of the bar stools and typed on his phone's notes his order to not lose any embarrassing time. When he lifted his gaze, he could happily observe that the bartender was here, smiling kindly at him. “Did you enjoy my performance?” was his first question. Internally, Jinwoo felt happy to see that he didn't treat him as a normal client. So Jinwoo answered with the biggest smile he could do and nodded swiftly. The singer stopped for a moment before replying “I'm glad then!”, Jinwoo didn't know if it was the heat in the room or his smile, but he saw his cheeks blushing a bit. That left a nice feeling in his stomach. He showed his order to him, what he took with a soft smile. He left him for a small minute and came back quickly. “There's your order... hmm, what's your name?” Jinwoo's eyes widened at the sudden question, he hadn't expected it. Why did he ask him his name? Did it mean he was interested on him? A bartender didn't ask that to a random client, right? Seeing the confusion in his customer's eyes, the confidence on his face fell and he stammered apologies. “I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!” But a phone in front of his face stopped him in his mess. _“I'm Park Jinwoo, and you?”_ He smiled brightly and his eyes shone excitedly, “Nice to meet you Jinwoo! I'm Kim Myungjun.” He directly offered his hand, which made Jinwoo confused again, but took it all the same. They shook their hand slowly, didn't want to let the other hand go. It was nice, it was soft. He had soft and pretty hands, he was almost afraid that he could break it by squeezing too hard. But, sadly, Myungjun had to take customers orders. Still, Jinwoo didn't want to leave him, so they managed to talk to each other between two orders. That was how he learned that Myungjun was twenty-five, two years older than him, and it surprised Jinwoo so much that Myungjun laughed brightly, used to seeing those reactions. Jinwoo really thought he was younger than him, and he quickly apologised to have never added 'hyung' on his notes. But, thankfully, the singer didn't care.

After what seemed to be only seconds, Sanha appeared so unexpectedly on his back that Jinwoo couldn't stop the little scream of surprise that left his mouth. The young man laughed while he took the two glasses of Ice Tea. “I forgot you were deaf, I was stupidly calling you, sorry if I surprised you hyung!” He left as quickly as he came, leaving a panicked Jinwoo and a confused Myungjun. The singer seemed to be trying to make sense with the new information he was given. After a little moment of reflection, he glared at his client suspiciously. “So... You lied to me? You're not mute but deaf?” Jinwoo's eyes widened, no, of course no, he didn't want to lie to him, he took out his phone as fast as he could and explained the situation as clearly as he could. “ _No I didn't lie to you! I did say I couldn't talk, but it's true! I have a voice but I can't talk because of my deafness.”_ Myungjun relaxed a bit reading it, and Jinwoo's heavy heart lightened. But the question he feared the most came up. 

“Then why are you there? A-and you said you enjoyed... my performance.” He said the last words without pronouncing them well, and Jinwoo could barely read the words, but he still managed to make sense with what he had understood. His eyes fell, he had said that, and Myungjun's confusion was perfectly justified, even for Jinwoo himself it sounded like a lie. But he had _really_ enjoyed his performance. It was disconcerting, he didn't have any explanation, he only felt it. Yet, he didn't want to let Myungjun be disappointed. He detected a movement in front of him, which turned out to be Myungjun leaving him for another customer, with an obvious sad and upset look in his eyes. Jinwoo tried to grab his sleeve to hold him back, but he was already too far. Determined to explain it to him anyway, he took his phone out and tried to describe what he felt as understandable as possible. Unluckily, Myungjun didn't come back, and when he passed in front of him, he ignored Jinwoo's attempts of conversation. After twenty minutes of repeated failures, he gave up. He stood from his seat looking at the bartender who was filling a tall glass with beer, he noticed the glance Myungjun gave to him before returning to his client. 

He went back to the two friends table, who seemed to be back to a more joyful conversation, Minhyuk smiled and laughed brightly, and Jinwoo felt relieved to see him happy. Still, Jinwoo wasn't in a laughing mood, so he just sighed and read the message he wanted Myungjun to read. Minhyuk noticed it, and he looked at him, concerned. And then, it gave Jinwoo an idea. He hurriedly opened a new note and wrote what he thought, hoping it would work. When he finished, he stretched his arm to show Sanha it. 

_“Do you know Kim Myungjun? The bartender.  
I have a message for him, can you show it to him, say it's from me after he read it preferably, please.”_

Sanha seemed a bit disconcerted, but nodded smiling softly. “Yes, I'm friends with him! I'll give you my phone number so you can send the message to me, or do you want his number?” The offer was tempting, but it was better coming from a friend than an unknown number, so he chose to take Sanha's number. Of course, he read it when he received it, and Jinwoo could see that Sanha was frowning, he rose his gaze to look at the elder suspiciously, but he said nothing. Minhyuk saw their awkward quiet interaction, he seemed to want to say something but the uncomfortable expression Jinwoo gave stopped him in his attempt of talking. The atmosphere between them fell a bit, and Minhyuk suggested going back home, it was getting late so Jinwoo agreed. 

On their way home, Jinwoo chose to accompany him for a part of the way, but if he did that it was because he had something that's been hanging over his head all night. After two minutes of a comfortable silence, Jinwoo decided to send a message to Minhyuk's phone. That made the younger freeze.

“It's none of your business.” As Jinwoo supposed, he was reluctant to talk about the problem he had discussed with Sanha earlier. But Jinwoo felt concerned, especially after seeing the hurt look he'd had when Sanha had mentioned the guy's boyfriend and how great he was. Suddenly, Minhyuk walked faster, unable to bear the insistent stare his friend gave. However, he didn't know how annoying Jinwoo could be when he was worried for someone he cared about, and he began to run after him to stop him. This behaviour wasn't like him, even under pressure Minhyuk knew how to remain calm, he'd never given in to stress. He had a patient personality and always took the time to think calmly of how to do complicated things, even when he was dealing with an angry client, he knew how to tranquillise the situation. Then, it was the first time he saw Minhyuk in this emotional condition. But he stopped abruptly, fists clenched and also, shaking. 

“I was prepared for it. It was years ago, I knew he must have moved on and that he must have found someone else. I thought I was going to be happy for him, I mean, who can stay stupidly in love with someone they haven't seen in years?” His lips were trembling, and he looked at the ground. “Why does it hurt, hyung?” A tear ran down his cheek, and he put his head on Jinwoo's shoulder, asking for reassurance. He still didn't have the whole context, but he had figured out that his friend was in love with a guy who was already taken. Or if he wasn't in love, his behaviour proved otherwise. But he hugged him anyway, stroking his back slowly. He stopped crying some minutes later and moved aside, apologising for his unusual attitude. When he saw he was calm enough, Jinwoo sent what was confusing him from the beginning. _“Weren't you in love with Sanha? You felt so stressed and excited to see him so that's what I imagined.”_

“What? Hyung I told you not to misinterpret my behaviour! I would never love him in that way!” 

_“Then why were you acting like that?”_

Silence.

He seemed to be thinking about what to say, playing with his fingers. He chewed his lower lip, opened his mouth, and closed it again. A slight blush came over his cheeks but nothing came out. Jinwoo crossed his arms, sighing, that made Minhyuk lift his eyes, which met Jinwoo's gaze who raised an eyebrow. Minhyuk sighed too, while running his hand through his hair.

“I'll make it short. I dated a guy in high school, but we broke up, he broke up with me, and he never let me talk to him again after that. Sanha was our common friend, and after high school Sanha stayed friends with him and I've been... put aside. I discovered by chance that Sanha performs here once a month, and then I... took it as an occasion to talk to him again and... to see how Bin hyung is doing.” He paused several seconds. “I didn't expect anything, especially because why Bin hyung broke up, so I felt really happy to see that Sanha accepted to be friends with me again... and maybe Bin hyung too. Time has passed, perhaps he would accept me as a friend again.”

It made more sense now, it could explain why he acted like that. But he was still wondering something, did Minhyuk realise that he was still in love with that Bin or was he trying to hide it? Or was he denying the truth? Jinwoo chose not to ask that, he learned enough tonight, and Minhyuk also had some new information to process, it would stress him even more if he was asked about his romantic situation. Deciding they had walked together enough, Jinwoo waved goodbye to him, and went home.

When he returned to his apartment, his brain tried to arrange all the things that he had dealt with today. Minhyuk's love situation and Myungjun ignoring him. It was already too much for his slow brain. He couldn't do more for Minhyuk, and he was still waiting for a reaction from Myungjun. Maybe Sanha was waiting for him to finish his shift. But Jinwoo didn't know when Myungjun finished his shift. Bars usually stayed open late the night, maybe Myungjun would only give him an answer in the middle of the night, and Jinwoo was tired, he wasn't going to wait all night for an answer he wasn't sure to get. Jinwoo went under his duvet, his head against the pillow, ready to fall asleep, but he couldn't help but think of Myungjun. He closed his eyes, hopeful that he could stop thinking about a man who was probably annoyed with him despite the fact that he had tried to fix things. And even if he had read his explanations, he had maybe found it weird. _“Your presence on stage attracts my attention, it feels like I could dance to your song even if I can't hear it.”_ Jinwoo slapped himself mentally, of course it was weird. After all, Myungjun was someone who used sounds to share his passion, and Jinwoo was someone who couldn't hear. They were too different, a relationship of any kind was impossible for them. It was with those negative thoughts that he managed to fall into his dreams, maybe nightmares.

But if Jinwoo hadn't fallen asleep so quickly, he would have seen his phone screen light up, indicating he had received a new message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's no socky in this fic oops-


	3. Chapter 3

Jinwoo was dragged out of his dreams by his vibrant alarm clock linked to his pillow. He automatically picked up his phone after turning on the light, and he was greeted by a message from an unknown number. Usually, those anonymous messages came from spammers, so at first he didn't care about it. He only clicked on it to see what it was, but its content woke him up immediately, he rose from his lying position to sit more comfortably on his bed.

From +82-105-xxxx-xxx: 

[1:45am] _Hi, it's Myungjun.  
As you can guess, I read the message you gave to Sanha for me (then I asked him for your number if you ever wonder how I got it).  
Sorry for my behaviour tonight, I felt like... betrayed? I'm not sure, but I should have listened to your explanations!  
Your message makes me proud, I mean, you said you were attracted to my presence on stage, so it's flattering. I've always been complimented for my voice, I know I have a sweet voice and I can sing well, but no one has ever complimented me on my stage presence, I try my best not to show my stress, but I'm always insecure, do people have fun through music and song, or through the good atmosphere that I try to create? I guess both, but maybe I'm doing too much, I seem maybe too excited on stage, I'm always wondering that.   
So your message reassured me, someone who can't hear my song was almost dancing to it thanks to the ambiance I gave, I feel so happy right now! Thank you so much!  
Then, I want to give you a real apology, could we meet somewhere?_

[1:48am] _I wrote 'listened to your explanations” but “read your explanations” is more correct-_

[1:49am] _Sorry I shouldn't make jokes about your disability_

Jinwoo stopped breathing at the moment he saw the messages. After reading them he didn't know if he should feel relieved, happy or just laugh at how cute it was. Then he was violently hit by a realization. Did Myungjun ask him out on a date? And he stopped breathing again. It wasn't a date, right? He just wanted to see him to apologise. And he didn't even know if Myungjun was interested in men.

[6:34am] _Hi Myungjun, that's okay, I'm just glad our argument is now fixed._

[6:35am] _(you can make as many jokes about my disability as you want)_

He hoped his second message didn't sound weird, generally people didn't like when others were making fun of their handicap, right? Between friends it was good, but they weren't friends. So he began to panic a bit, but a notification took him out of his thoughts.

[6:47am] _I'm allowed to make fun of you as much as I want? What a privilege!_

Jinwoo let a small laugh escape from his lips, and hid his face against his pillow, like he was expecting Myungjun to not hear him laugh at his stupid behaviour (but such adorable behaviour). He rolled over onto his stomach, tucked his arms under his pillow and rested his chin against it. He now had a big grin plastered on his face and didn't want to remove it.

[6:49am] _So, do you agree to come to the bar where I work in two days, at 8:30pm? Come directly to the counter, I'll be there c:_

Jinwoo snorted at the little emoji. The cute and lovely emoji. It was soft and endearing. He definitely couldn't swipe the smile off his face. He felt so happy, all the stress he had felt earlier was put away by those few messages Myungjun sent him. Officially, it wasn't a date, and a part of him was relieved by that, but still, he didn't want to seem not affected, he wanted to show him how glad he was that they resolved their misunderstanding. Jinwoo wasn't dumb, he had realised his feelings for Myungjun weren't really friendly, and he began to admit that maybe he really did have some interest in the cute singer.

*

Wiping his dirty hands with a weathered towel in an attempt of remove the oil, he looked at the watch around his left wrist, which was indicating it was time for him to go home, his working hours for the day being over. Jinwoo sighed heavily, sitting on the nearest seat he saw, a work bench, and wiped the sweat on his forehead which threatened to run down his face. Spring was over, the hot summer breeze invaded the garage warehouse, and, unfortunately, the materials which made up the walls permitted the heat to stay inside the building. Likewise in winter with the cold wind. Jinwoo liked his job, but the weather was unbearable, the only season he appreciated was spring and sometimes autumn, when there wasn't too much wind and rain. Right now, even with the warehouse doors and all the windows wide open, added to the air condition and the three fans, the ambient air was heavy, and when they should go under the vehicles, nothing could save them from the hot air. So, it was a relieved sigh that escaped from Jinwoo's lips, knowing that he could finally go back to his apartment with a more temperate air and he could finally take a shower to wash the disgusting mix of oil and sweat that spread out on his whole body. 

He was soon joined by his young friend who stayed concentrated on his job. “Jinwoo hyung, we need to tidy the warehouse before relaxing.” The oldest threw his head back in exasperation, this guy was too conscientious. He was a very good friend, and Jinwoo liked very much to go out sometimes with him, but he took his work too much to heart, that it became almost boring. Once, Jinwoo had seen him reprimanding a forty-year-old colleague for joking instead of doing his job. Thankfully, everyone here was nice, and they took it kindly, the man had patted his hair while saying he was adorable. Of course, for Minhyuk, it was laziness, he had only sighed and had gone back to the vehicle he was working on, choosing to ignore them instead of wasting his time. 

He was putting the last tools into their toolboxes when he noticed an insistent glare on him. Minhyuk, who had finished his share of work, was standing up against the wall, his arms crossed, and a curious look in his eyes. When Jinwoo finally finished cleaning the work bench, he began to talk.

“Do you have something planned tonight?” Jinwoo's eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly, astounded he could have noticed anything wrong in his behaviour, he was sure he'd been careful to do his job properly. The younger smirked. “You worked faster today, you're always slow, and strangely happy. And your reaction and your blush are proving my suspicions. Is it that guy at the bar where Sanha sings... He told me his name once... My-Myun... Myungjun! Right?” 

Jinwoo hadn't felt his cheeks blushing before he told it, he put his both hands on them like he wanted to confirm it (maybe Minhyuk was teasing him and the heat he felt was only due to the hot air), but the warmth he could sense under his fingertips agreed with his friends words. He blushed harder, ashamed of being caught. He didn't know that Minhyuk was so observant, even focused on his work. As an answer, Jinwoo only childishly turned his head and ignored him, taking his stuff and waved as a goodbye. 

Before he finally left, he had gone into the break room in order to wash his face and his arms a bit. He used public transports to move, so he wanted to not be too dirty when he took them. After a brief washing, he went to the nearest bus stop and sat on the bench. Myungjun had set their date (outing, his brain tried to remind him) at half past eight, he had calculated the bus times, and it would mean he only had one hour to be presentable. _It's going to be okay_ , he forced himself to think. He had already passed almost two hours yesterday choosing his clothes for tonight, he only had to take a good shower, to wear the clothes he chose and to perfect his look. Maybe eat a bit because he didn't think he was going to eat a lot at the bar, it wasn't a date, Myungjun hadn't invited him to eat together, they were just going to see each others where he worked, and they only served drinks. A loud vibration got him out of his head, and he gladly realised it was his bus which just arrived. With a relieved sigh, he rose from his seat and went into the vehicle, hopeful that could calm his nervous thoughts. But, needless to say, he still thought about it during the whole journey. 

When he eventually came back home, the first thing he did was run to his bathroom in order to take a cold shower. He looked at his watch, _I have fifty minutes left to prepare myself_ , then removed his shirt first. Putting it in the dirty clothes basket, he looked at himself with the reflection the mirror at his left gave to him. He didn't praise his body often, but he admitted that his job offered him the opportunity to develop some nice shapes. His abdominals muscles and his chest were well built up, but not too large, so he didn't look overly muscular, it wasn't disgustingly developed, it was just enough to seem attractive. Like his arms, they were strong but not bulky, and he didn't have any problem finding clothes that fit him well. But his eyes fell on the scar on his left bicep, he got it one or two years ago, when he had gotten his arm locked under a large piece of a car which had fallen on him unexpectedly at work, it was only an accident, and the scar wasn't really big, but would Myungjun like it? Well, it wasn't like he was going to show up half-naked to Myungjun tonight, and not another day either, except if Myungjun invited him to the beach, then he would wear a bathing suit, and again he slapped himself for thinking about dumb things, because they didn't know each other enough to go to the beach (and also for imagining the singer shirtless). 

Some minutes later, he found himself wearing only a towel around his waist, looking at his supposed outfit for the evening resting on his bed. He wondered what happened in his head the day before, yes, the outfit was perfect for a _date_ but it wasn't a date, he should wear more casual clothes, he was only meeting a guy he couldn't even call him his friend. That's why he turned back to seek in his wardrobe better clothes, which took him around thirty minutes to decide on a white shirt with short sleeves and a big dark grey logo which decorated the plain colour and black pants. Sighing for the hundredth time of the day, he cleaned the mess he made with his clothes and eyed his watch. The bus would come in eighteen minutes. 

Suddenly, he realised that he had less than twenty minutes to comb his hair, put his lenses in and eat. Then he froze. He couldn't do all of that in such a short time, he always took ages to put his lenses in, he ate slowly and he was sure he'd take the same time he took to pick out his clothes to comb his hair. Awakened from his stupor by his stomach which asked for food, he ran to his kitchen to take the first thing he saw, an apple, and bit on it while he went back to his bathroom. He couldn't do all of it, so he'll do everything at the same time. He took the hair-dryer to quickly dry his fluffy blonde hair (he had dyed it a few days ago and he was glad to see that the bleaching hadn't damaged his hair too much). Hurried by the time, he struggled to make his hair look fine and threw his comb aside dismissively. He had eaten the whole apple, so he went to put the apple core in the kitchen bin, and that's where he found a grey cap hung on his coat rack next to his front door. It was the prefect item to hide his messy hair and he put it on back to front. Now, his face was exposed, and all he needed to dress up his face more was his glasses. He hadn't worn them lately, and he missed the cute look he had when he wore them. He hoped Myungjun would like it, even if his hearing wasn't the only bad sense Jinwoo had. 

It freed him from the minutes he would have lost if he had tried to put in his lenses, and he gladly sat on a chair and ate more than only one apple.

But it was a mistake. 

He was now at the bus stop, and watched pathetically as the bus left him. He was late, but by only ten seconds. The driver hadn't seen him? He hoped it was that than stupidly ignoring him. Anyway, being mad at the driver wouldn't make the bus come back, so he chose to read the sign with the bus timetables. Thankfully, there was another bus in seven minutes, so he waited and stayed focused on not missing it again. 

Fortunately, he caught it without any problem, but he lost himself again in his thoughts during the journey, and managed to miss his stop. He felt dumb. He had recognised the familiar restaurant a few meters before the bus stop, he had felt the vehicle pause, but, yet, his thoughts were still occupied by the singer, and he had only realised he was missing his stop when the bus had moved. He was now resting his head against the glass, hopeful that the next one wasn't too far from the bar. He thought of sending a message to Myungjun explaining he was going to be a bit late, but he didn't want to look like a fool in front of him for missing the bus _and_ the stop. 

He had been careful to memorise the way the bus had taken to arrive at this place, then when he got off the bus, he quickly took the same way but in the reverse direction and tried to walk as fast as he could to reach his destination. When he finally arrived to the bar, he was twenty-six minutes late, and guilt knotted up his stomach. He hoped Myungjun wasn't going to be too upset. Though, the first thing he noticed just after walking in wasn't the cute bartender, but two guys sat at one of the tables with an empty seat. One of those guys was probably the most beautiful man he'd ever seen (after Myungjun and himself), and the other man was Sanha.

He was too far away to read the man's lips, but whatever he was saying seemed to be the most incredible thing Sanha had heard. If the enthralled look and the wide smile he was giving to him had anything to do with it. Suddenly, the beautiful man patted Sanha's hair softly, and Jinwoo was sure it was the thing that caused the blush on the guitarist cheeks. _Oh._ Jinwoo had a slow brain, but his few active neurons seemed to have made a good conjecture. If he was right... Was Sanha on a date? He felt a bit bad spying on the young mans date, and at the moment Jinwoo was leaving them alone and seeking for _his_ date (a hidden thought reminded him it still wasn't a date), the pretty man moved his hands. Not in an uncertain way, but in a familiar way. A _very_ familiar way. Then he connected the dots.

_Sign language._

Jinwoo was confused, this man was talking before, right? And Sanha knew Jinwoo was deaf, but he had never mentioned any interest for the sign language. He hadn't use the sign language for a long time, or seen anyone using it either, but he quickly realised the man wasn't doing sentences or making any sense of what he was forming with his hands. He was forming words, random words. Also, Jinwoo noticed later, he was mouthing something every time he signed a new word, and Sanha tried to repeat his actions. Then he understood. He was teaching Sanha the sign language. _Who taught sign language to their date?_ Well, they did what they wanted, and honestly the clumsy way Sanha was doing the signs was cute. Before he could learn more, a third man made his appearance, but Jinwoo couldn't see his face well. As the way he sat close to the pretty man and the way they looked at each other, their relationship was easy to guess, and the slight pain he saw on Sanha's face confirmed his suspicions. He wasn't on a date, or he was the third wheel of a date, and the two guys were oblivious of the youngers feelings, because exactly when the man arrived, Sanha had been forgotten by the pretty man and his teaching. Obviously, even a cheerful, optimistic and cute guy like Sanha could experience heartbreak, and Jinwoo felt sad for him. 

He decided to finally leave the trio alone, and turned to find the man he was there for. But the said man had already found him. Myungjun was there, next to him, looking at the three men with an expression of concentration on his usually smiling face. Then, he looked at Jinwoo (or _seemed_ to look at him, his eyes showed he was lost in his thoughts), and a little grin formed on his lips.

“Hi Jinwoo.” He returned his smile, both were clearly concerned for the young mans feelings, and then Myungjun's eyes widened and he tried to hide a blush. At the beginning, Jinwoo felt panic rise in his heart at his reaction, but he noticed that the singer was avoiding his glaze. He saw his jaw moving, but he couldn't read his lips because of his hands, and, with an act of unexpected bravery, Jinwoo put his fingers around his wrists in order to get them out of his face (this action made them both blush, but Jinwoo tried to ignore it), and made an interrogative expression, hopeful Myungjun would understand without sending a text. Suddenly, realisation took over Myungjun's face and he became red, but this time by embarrassment. “Sorry... I-I said y-you were... handsome...” By the way he mouthed his words, Jinwoo guessed he had lowered his voice for the last word, but it was useless because it didn't prevent him from reading his lips, he supposed it was done unconsciously, and he thought it was cute. Again, his brain took some time to really get what he had said, that's why a few seconds later it was the turn of his face to be a bright red. Without really deciding it, a little proud grin formed on his face, and it made Myungjun giggle. Jinwoo felt his hands getting wet from the nervousness, then quickly let the smaller hands (when did he take the time to notice the size difference between their hands?) fall, but the singer thought otherwise and took hold of one of them. Jinwoo could feel his thumb make circles on his to calm his nerves. Myungjun lead him to a table, which seemed to be reserved for them, and a notebook accompanied by a pen. As if he had predicted his questions, Myungjun waited for them to sit and began his explanations.

“I asked to see each other today because I don't work tonight, and this notebook, I want you to use it instead of your phone to talk to me. It's... It's a bit strange, but I want to keep it with me, keep what you said to me with me.” He didn't lower his gaze, he was looking right in his eyes, but Jinwoo could clearly see his edginess. The proposition sounded indeed strange, but curiously he wasn't bothered by the idea of Myungjun keeping this book, and his mind imagined him, laid down on a sofa, giggling cutely like he did earlier while reading any stupidity Jinwoo could have written inside it. He liked this idea very much (maybe too much). To show his consent, he opened the notebook at the first page and took the pen.

“ _I was so stressed about my outfit and your invitation for tonight that I missed my bus and then missed my bus stop, so I think I can let you keep my messages in return._ ”

Myungjun took the book with shaking hands, but then his eyes widened slightly and his lips spread into a relieved smile. He tried to hide a laugh with the notebook in front of his face, but still looked at him right in his eyes, and Jinwoo had to break their eye contact, feeling a blush and a giggle coming out. For someone who was just watching them, the situation would seem weird and uncomfortable, but strangely, both felt in their own world.

“Then... Shall we really start our _date_?” 

Jinwoo coughed suddenly with the water he was drinking, and Myungjun laughed at his reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's this pretty man who knows the sign language? :D   
> the love story is messier than i originally thought hehe xd


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with the end of the last chapter, it maybe let you think that this chapter would be the date they're talking about, but it's not that, it seemed obivous in my mind and I didn't think it could give you a wrong idea so im sorry ><
> 
> (but I plan to write a myungjin date in the future chapters!!)

Jinwoo came back to the bar once, sometimes twice, per week after their date. Things were better for him, he started to feel more comfortable. Myungjun was the main reason. Unintentionally, he helped Jinwoo to forget his disability, not like other people he had met, like Minhyuk, who was respectful and had never blamed Jinwoo for being deaf, but his actions, the way he was overarticulating, Jinwoo knew he did that to help him, but it still reminded him how different he was, how people were sometimes annoyed by him needing to write his thoughts instead of talking. Myungjun, unlike others, behaved normally, and rarely mentioned his deafness, and when it happened, it was never uncomfortable for Jinwoo. Like one day, in mid-August, the bar doors were wide open, and the day was longer than the night, at nine o'clock in the evening, the sun had started to set, and the sky wasn't a dark blue but a colour mixing due to sunset, it was beautiful and Jinwoo liked to think it was romantic. He had taken a seat on his usual bar stool, and his eyes were lost on the view he could have across the open doors. Unexpectedly, something touched his left ear, the surprising action made him protect it with his hand and turn his head at the source of the inconvenience. But he wasn't surprised by it, because it was Myungjun, and no one but Myungjun would have tried to touch his ear (and knowing that little information made him blush, again). He laughed at his expression, but he wore a serious face some seconds later. 

“I was wondering,” He started, and Jinwoo felt a bit anxious. “Hard of hearing people wore hearing aids, right?” Myungjun eyed him, checking his facial expression, to see if he wasn't going too far. When Jinwoo nodded, he finished his question. “Why aren't you wearing those?”

Honestly, he had waited for him to ask it, he had already noticed the way Myungjun would look, not discreetly, at his ears. Their notebook was resting on his lap, he knew Myungjun took care of it as if it was the most precious thing of the world, and he read the messages Jinwoo left inside it, he had imagined him doing that, but knowing he was _really_ doing it made his heart flutter. Then, each time Jinwoo had something to write, he took it cautiously, and this time wasn't an exception.

“ _I was originally born with a very very bad hearing, when I was a child, I had hearing aids, but as I already told you, other kids weren't very... supportive, and those hearing aids were only there to make me fit in with the others, and why it was me who should fit in with others and not them? I'm the one who was born with a disability, it's already hard for me, so why should they not try to fit in for me?_ ” Jinwoo took a pause, and Myungjun interpreted it as a signal, he could take the book to read what he had said, but Jinwoo grabbed it back and continued his text. “ _Now, I know it's stupid, but I've grown up without it, even if my parents were against it, the hearing aids didn't help me to hear, my hearing is too bad, I don't really remember, but it only helped me to... perceive other's voices, and I didn't want it, I just wanted them to leave me alone. And now, I'm used to it, so I've never really thought of having some again._ ”

He let him take it, and Myungjun hesitated before reading. He knew how difficult it was for him in the past, so every time they talked about it, Myungjun was careful of Jinwoo's emotions. The mechanic thought he was probably going to feel emotive at his story, but after he finished reading it, his face just lit up. (Myungjun must have realised the confusion in Jinwoo's face, because he hurriedly put the book on the counter and started to explain himself.)

“I think it's sad that kid Jinwoo came to this conclusion,” He said with a sorry expression, but he quickly beamed. “but don't you think it would be a good idea to have hearing aids now? I know you can't hear with them, but you always apologise for not being able to hear me sing, and with them you could maybe 'feel' my voice? As you said, you could perceive the voices, even if, I suppose, you didn't understand what they said, you could still feel it! B-but it's your choice, I'm just giving an idea...” He finished, a bit embarrassed by his excited outburst.

Before he could think about his proposition, Myungjun suddenly lifted his head, concerned by something that seemed to be happening behind Jinwoo's back. Naturally, he turned his own head to see what was going on. To his great surprise, he found Minhyuk (Sanha performed more often in summer, and today was one of his performances), still sat on his chair, face completely panicked and eyes looking at someone in front of his table. Minhyuk's chest was rising fast at an irregular rate, showing his erratic breath. The person who seemed to make him feel this way wore an unwelcoming expression, the man was definitely angry to see Minhyuk, and his eyes showed nothing but pure disgust and scorn, but also a poorly hidden pain. Neither of them seemed to want to start a conversion (or an argument), their eyes talked for themselves. Minhyuk was the first to move, lowering his glare with watering eyes and shivering chin. It seemed to make the other guy react, his gaze went wider and he held back his fist to slam against the table. If Minhyuk didn't get out of his seat, Jinwoo would be sure the man would have yelled something at him. Alerted, Sanha, who kept silent since the beginning, also raised, ready to stop any fight between them. But Minhyuk only avoided their gazes and looked at Jinwoo's, begging him to help him in any way he could, yet, Jinwoo didn't know what had happened between the two guys, so, seeing the hesitation in his hyung's eyes, Minhyuk took his jacket and decided to leave the bar. Jinwoo didn't wait for any more time, he turned his head again and gave an apologetic look to the bartender, and ran after his friend, without forgetting to leave money on the counter for their drinks.

Before leaving the bar, he looked one last time to the man who put Minhyuk in this emotional state, Jinwoo saw him yelling (at least, he guessed he was yelling with the way his mouth moved and his frown hardened) at Sanha “What the fuck is that bastard doing here?”. Jinwoo felt his eyebrows frown by themselves, even if he didn't know what happened, Minhyuk was a good guy, and he didn't deserve to be called a bastard. But the most confusing thing was that this guy reminded him someone he had already seen.

He chose to ignore that and tried to find Minhyuk, who was in the next street, sat against the dirty wall trying to hold back tears. Jinwoo squatted down in front of him and hugged him slightly, as he had done the last time. After a few seconds, he was calm (one of his strange abilities, when Jinwoo cried he was taking a long time to feel better, Minhyuk's quick recovery was amazing), and declared he just wanted to go home and to be left alone. Jinwoo didn't want to hurt his feelings more by forcing more information from him, so he just accompanied him to his car (he was only twenty and he had a _car_ , Jinwoo would love to have one too, but taking the public transports was better, he didn't have to focus on driving a vehicle). He watched the car leaving him, and took a deep breath. Even though he hated being rude, he was too involved in his problems to ignore what happened today. _If the guy didn't want to say anything, he was definitely going to force Sanha too, because even if he tried to deny any involvement, his face clearly showed that he_ knew.

He entered in the bar and eyed all the room to see where they went. _Perfect_ , he thought, because they had stayed at their original place. He walked to the table where Sanha and the guy were arguing (correction, where the guy was yelling at Sanha), but someone interrupted him. “Wait,” Myungjun hissed, Jinwoo had never seen him like that, and he was relieved to see that he wasn't the only one worried for Minhyuk. “I don't want the guests to see anymore of that, I asked the manager if we could use the break room to talk, and she agreed, so you'll all come with me, I also asked for my break now.” He turned his head to the two other guys. “Sanha and Bin, you both come with us.” He commended, and Jinwoo's anger died down for a minute, thinking about how he knew the asshole's name.

Sanha agreed, aware he couldn't run away, and followed Myungjun, but the guy, _Bin_ , snapped “Don't act like you both knew what happened between us.” 

He wasn't wrong, they didn't know, and that was exactly why they wanted an explanation. As if Myungjun read his thoughts, he responded. “Then explain to us what happened, and we'll be able to act better.” 

“You're friends with him, right? Ask him for the truth, it's not my job to provide that, I don't care about your opinion.” Again, he wasn't wrong, and it was irritating. But he had tried, and Minhyuk had stayed silent. 

“Okay, if you change your mind, we're in the break room.” Myungjun hissed while pointing at the door that gave access to the room he was talking about. After making sure Bin had understood, he firmly grabbed the youngests arm and stepped into the room.

Jinwoo followed them, and sat on the seat next to Myungjun. They both gave Sanha a determined glare meaning 'You're not leaving this room until we know everything.' The guitarist sat shaking on the chair, there were some seconds of silence before he gulped and started to talk.

"Minhyuk hyung and Bin hyung were best friends, childhood friends. They've known each others for more than ten years, and they were always stuck together. Then, in high school, they began to have more than friendly feelings for each other. It was when Bin hyung was in his last high school year, and they were already friends with me back then. So, they started dating." He paused in his recounting, thinking of how to tell it. "But, it didn't really work. They'd known each other for too long, they were extremely close, but, as Bin hyung told me, doing things too... intimate made them strangely uncomfortable. Though, they loved each other, so even if they weren't comfortable in their relationship, they didn't want to break up. Naturally, their communication fell, even as friends they were closer than as lovers, and the inevitable happened." He took a deep breath. "Minhyuk hyung cheated on him." 

Jinwoo was speechless, Minhyuk, the nice and friendly Park Minhyuk, could cheat on his partner? He was honest, he wasn't the type of boyfriend who kept things hidden from his lover, he was more likely to break up than cheat on his partner. It sounded unrealistic for him. Especially seeing how in love he still was, years later. Yet, he did it. Maybe he had a reason to? No, there was no acceptable reason to cheat on your partner. Was he drunk? Perhaps it wasn't intentional, but Minhyuk was a rational and mature guy, he wasn't going to drink too much somewhere he wasn't with someone he trusted enough to prevent him for doing those things. Well, Jinwoo was making assumptions but he didn't have the context, he only knew he had cheated on his ex-boyfriend. Before he could write anything, Myungjun broke the silence. 

"How did he cheat on Bin?" He asked, frowning and analysing the situation.

"According to Bin Hyung, two months before his graduation, he saw Minhyuk hyung kissing one of his high school friends. After that, Bin hyung felt so betrayed and heartbroken, that he broke up with Minhyuk hyung and he chose never to talk to him again." He was now playing with his fingers and looking at the table, avoiding Jinwoo's and Myungjun's intense gazes. 

"He chose never to talk to him? Does it mean he didn't let Minhyuk explain himself? It could have been an accident, or a misinterpretation of what happened! It totally sounds like Bin was looking for an excuse to break up with him!" Myungjun was furious, he hit the table with his fist to calm his nerves. 

" _'According to Bin'? Does it mean you have another version of what happened?_ " Jinwoo slid his phone across the table to show them his note. The notebook was their thing, he didn't want to use it with someone else.

His assumption seemed correct, if the uncomfortable glare Sanha gave to him had anything to do with it. "Minhyuk hyung had never really told me what happened, I... I tried to ask him the truth, I mean, even for me Bin hyung's version seemed too... unrealistic, and even if he had really seen them kissing, he had never let Minhyuk hyung apologise, and as their only close common friend back then, I can say that Minhyuk hyung tried many times to talk to him. At first, Minhyuk hyung didn't want to tell me anything, but after seeing that he had no chance with Bin hyung anymore, he gave up and when I asked him to tell me his version of the story, he only told me "Bin hyung isn't a liar." and he cried." He sighed. "I was disappointed with him. He hadn't clearly said it was what happened, but it implied that what Bin hyung saw was true and he had really cheated on him! I had really tried to help Minhyuk hyung and learning that the real victim between them was Bin hyung... It upset me. And I ended up by leaving him too, I only stayed friends with Bin hyung."

Still, it seemed incomplete for Jinwoo. He didn't understand, that only phrase could say that Bin hadn't lied, but it didn't mean what he thought was true was the reality. Maybe, as Jinwoo thought earlier, it was only a misinterpretation. But why hadn't Minhyuk told the truth to Sanha at least? If there was another truth, of course. 

" _Then, if you were disappointed, why are you playing fake friends with him now?_ " 

"I'm not playing fake friends! I was only fifteen when all this shit happened, I was immature, and it's only after that I realised that Minhyuk hyung was hiding something! But it was too late, I couldn't come back and become his friend again after leaving him like that!" He had said that hurriedly with wide eyes, proving how bad he felt for him now. He continued more calmly. "I was glad he came to see me that day, and I saw how stressed he was. I'm happy to be his friend again, and even after all those years, I still want to restore the truth of that day. And, if it's possible, restore their friendship. They were so close, they really trusted each other, it was an amazing friendship, and even as friends, I know they miss each other, they want their friendship back. I don't want to blame Bin hyung, because it's his personality, he's sensitive, he has a fragile heart, and if he didn't want to talk to him again, it was only to protect himself, he was just scared to hear from Minhyuk hyung's mouth that he didn't love him anymore, that he wasn't a good boyfriend. So even if leaving him hurt him a lot, it was still preferable to do that than learning the painful truth."

It made sense. After knowing that, he couldn't be as mad as he was against Bin, because he could understand him. And if he thought of the context back then, he was only seventeen, he was young, who could blame a teenager for avoiding the pain? Jinwoo himself was like that, being rude by not responding to others, he did it just so he wouldn't get pitiful looks. Yet, he was still mad at him. Years had passed, and he had yelled at him at the second he had seen him. It was understandable that he still felt betrayed, but it wasn't a reason to yell like he had done in front of dozens of people. Also, he had a boyfriend, so it meant he wasn't in love with Minhyuk anymore, seeing him by accident shouldn't make him act like that, even if, he was an adult, he was supposed to be more mature. 

" _There's something that's bothering me. Minhyuk is obviously still in love with him, yet, he had cheated on him years ago. Also, you know he's an honest guy, he would have never done that, even if he kissed this guy that day, it could have been an accident, or the other guy kissed him without his consent.  
Plus, I can understand Bin's feelings back then, however, even if cheating is cheating, it was a kiss, he didn't have sex with this guy. Imagine, if it was only Bin who misinterpreted the situation, see what happened for just a misunderstanding! The consequences were awful! Both heartbroken, and Minhyuk left apart, wrongly accused, and suffered from rejection and one-sided love for years! Of course I understand Bin feelings back then, but he should have realised that it was too much for just a doubt, you can't say he never once thought to ask him what happened that day!_"

Sanha was holding the phone, trembling. He seemed defeated, as if he didn't know what to answer. Suddenly, he turned his head to look behind Jinwoo's back. He also saw Myungjun moving next to him, a sign that it was movement behind him. He hadn't the time to look over his shoulder before one of the subjects of their conversation appeared and snatched Jinwoo's phone from Sanha's hands.

"That's none of your concern. And, even if it was, it happened years ago, I don't like him anymore, it wouldn't have any use to fix things now." Bin snapped, throwing the phone to Jinwoo. He was obviously pissed from the events of the night, and he sat abruptly on the chair next to Sanha. "And I know what I saw that day." He added quietly.

Jinwoo eyed him suspiciously, before he started writing again. " _You were best friends, right? We're not asking for you to date again, but restoring your friendship is enough. It's not your fault if you're not in love with him anymore, you can't do anything for his feelings. But you know him, you're probably the person amongst all of us who knows him the best, and from what I know about him, if he had really cheated on you, he wouldn't have been so insistent after you broke up to talk to you, and he wouldn't have tried to meet you again.  
You saw his pain earlier, he's still suffering from what happened that day, from your break up, so I think you should give him a chance. It was years ago, it shouldn't affect you as much as it did back then. At least to let him explain to you his version of the story._"

It had the merit of making him think. He seemed to be calmed, and analysing which option sounded better. Finally, he rose from his chair, and declared. "I think he can wait an extra night. I'm tired and emotionally disturbed, and things always look better in the morning, I don't want to make a decision based on my emotional turmoil."

He left them, soon followed by Sanha who bowed and waved, seeming intimidated by the heavy atmosphere. Jinwoo sighed heavily, resting his arms and his head against the cold table, he hoped it could cool his burning forehead. Something pressed on his shoulder, it made him use the last of his energy to look at the source of the touch. It was welcomed by a kind and sweet gaze and a soft smile. Everything on Myungjun's face reflected his admiration and his profound respect for Jinwoo. His right hand supporting his head, he chose to move his left hand to brush delicately against Jinwoo's hair. He lowered his hand to allow his fingertips to skim across his face, lingering at his cheeks and stopped softly when they approached his lips. Jinwoo hadn't realised he was holding his breath, too preoccupied by the feeling of Myungjun's soft fingers against his skin. His mouth automatically opened, and if Jinwoo would have properly learned how to talk, he was sure he would have unintentionally let a "I like you" slip away.

"You're wise. I would like to be like you, I admire you a lot Jinwoo." He revealed as their eyes locked. As his erratic heartbeat took possession of his previous worried thoughts, he secretly wished that admiration wasn't the only thing Myungjun felt for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a long dialogue in this chapter, I hope it wasn't boring xd
> 
> and don't worry bin is nice, he just doesn't want to see Minhyuk x( 
> 
> also for the hearing aids, I've been doing some research on the subject so I don't write too much nonsense but I'm not sure if it's a true reflection of reality ><


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oupsie sorry for the long wait >.>  
> i wrote "angst" in the tags but there's no angst in this fic, they feel bad sometimes but it's not a sad fic at all xd

The week end had passed, and Minhyuk hadn't answered to Jinwoo's messages about his problem with his ex-boyfriend, he ignored them but still replied to his other texts. Now, it was Monday, and Jinwoo secretly hoped that he could learn more than those past two days. As usual, the youngest was one of the first employees already there when Jinwoo arrived at work, and his behaviour was back to his normal temperament, nothing could show that something had happened to him days ago. It was one of the things that worried him the most, Minhyuk always hid his feelings, it was good for work, he needed to be professional, but in a private space, with close persons, friends, he rarely said something. Him and Jinwoo had become closer friends since the first time he had brought him to the bar, and he was now sure he could call him his friend, but even if Jinwoo was reliable, it was still hard to get him to talk about his problems. As excepted, Minhyuk didn't give him attention until lunch break, but Jinwoo didn't know how to bring up the topic. They were eating in the break room with two of their colleagues, and he didn't want to seem suspicious or to make Minhyuk uncomfortable in front of them, so he waited. 

Eventually, Jinwoo's workday came to an end, and while he was washing his hand in the sink, he sighed. It was hard to communicate with him, his thoughts had been focused on the young man and his job, combined with the suffocating heat, Jinwoo's brain was burning and was going to explode. He turned the tap in order to get colder water than he already had and threw the liquid to his face, hoping it could cool his mind. A movement next to him made him look away from his fingers, he gasped slightly when he noticed it was a hand holding him a clean towel, which belonged to the reason of his headache. His eyes talked for him, and Minhyuk grinned sympathetically. 

“Sorry hyung, I know you're worried. I didn't mean to make you feel this way.” He shook the towel, hoping he would take it. Minhyuk seemed to feel guilty, and lowered his gaze when Jinwoo took it, thinking of what he would say next. He waited for Jinwoo to finish wiping his face and he spoke again. “I didn't want to involve you in my personal problems... But don't worry, everything's fine now, you don't have to worry about me!” He didn't look convinced by his own words, but Jinwoo chose to play along and to act like he hadn't noticed it. 

“ _Does it mean Bin talked to you?_ ” Obviously, no. Minhyuk winced and scratched the back of his neck, then sighed while shaking his head. “ _I've already said what I knew from Sanha and Bin for what happened with them and you. I know it's a sensitive subject for you, but after being so involved in your problems, I can't ignore it, so please Minhyuk, let me help you._ ” The youngest was hesitant to take the phone, like he dreaded what Jinwoo could have said. Finally, he grabbed the phone, and as expected he frowned then he stayed silent. 

After a while, Jinwoo moved from his place against the sink of the break room and opened the shared fridge to take two lemonade cans, giving one to his friend. They sat on the table, taking a sip of their drinks without exchanging a single word. Out of the corner of his eyes, Jinwoo saw Minhyuk lick his lips like he was going to talk, what he did a second later.

“It was a mistake.” He started, making sure Jinwoo had understood, then continued after having his confirmation. “Sanha told you, our relationship wasn't going well. Honestly, it was bad. As friends, we've always been close, hugging or kissing our cheeks, everything felt natural, but as a couple, I didn't know any more. I didn't know what he wanted, since we were close as friends, we should be even more closer as a couple, right? I thought that back then, so I forced myself, to do things I was not ready for. Our bodies were close, but our minds were separated, and we became distant. I realised after that the problem was our lack of communication, but sixteen-years-old me was confused and I started to doubt my feelings for him. There was another guy I was close friends with, I explained to him my problem, and I asked him if I could kiss him. I wanted to verify if the feelings I had for Bin weren't a misinterpretation of what they really were, if in reality he was just a best friend to me. Of course, I realised I really was in love with Bin, and I quickly regretted it, Bin saw us, we broke up and I was abandoned by Bin and Sanha, as you know, but also by the friend I kissed. Because this guy was gay too, but only his close friends knew it, and you've maybe understood it, Bin isn't really quiet. Other students heard it and the rumour quickly spread in the school. This guy was ashamed by his homosexuality, and because I was the man who cheated on his boyfriend, it was easy for him release his anger on me, as if I forced him to kiss me. I don't think Bin trusted him, because he knew he was gay too. Anyway, I tried to talk to Bin, but he didn't want to hear any excuse from me. Then, I seriously thought about our couple, was it worth it for me to go after a guy I wasn't comfortable with in our relationship? I was young, I'm still young, I can fall in love with someone else.” He unexpectedly stopped there. His story felt incomplete, it missed the last part. Jinwoo stared at him, waiting for an answer to his silent question. Minhyuk raised an eyebrow, questioning his stare, as if he had nothing more to say. 

He didn't want to continue their useless eyes fight, so he bluntly asked his question. “ _So why are you still in love with him?_ ” 

Minhyuk mouth suddenly took a round shape. “I wouldn't say I'm still in love with him. I'm just... confused? I don't really know. I didn't become friends with Sanha again to talk to Bin. Yes, I said that the last time, but it's an option. I know I hurt him, so I understand his anger, but if I could get even the slightest chance to apologise and to be friends with him again, I want to try to take it.”

It made some sort of sense, Jinwoo could understand it. Still, he'd never seen Minhyuk in those emotional conditions, and he couldn't stop but have this thought in mind. But he didn't want Minhyuk to suffer for longer, so he hoped he was wrong. 

They finished their cans in silence, Jinwoo was used to it, but it seemed to make his friend uncomfortable, who quickly threw his in the bin and waved as a goodbye. Jinwoo also raised from his seat, his mind just remembered he had to see Myungjun tonight as well. Animated by a new motivation, he stretched out his arms and walked toward the bus stop near to his workplace.

It was only in halfway to the stop next to his apartment block that he noticed a notification had popped up on his screen. It was Myungjun who texted him. It was unusual at this hour, if Jinwoo was correct, he would be starting his shift at the bar, so his phone would be in his locker. Intrigued, he opened the message. 

From _Myungjun_ :

[7:13pm] _Sorry I forgot to tell you but I changed my work schedule! I'm not working tonight and I can't come to the bar, we'll see each other another day! >o< _

The slight disappointment he felt was immediately erased by the warm sensation brought by the cute emoji. Before meeting him, Jinwoo was convinced that only girls used those things, but Myungjun changed his mind. He liked soft things, but it didn't make him feminine or less masculine. He was definitely masculine, with the way he would roll up his shirt sleeves, exposing his forearms and the watch he often wore on his left wrist, or the way he would undo the first buttons on his uniform top when it was too hot inside, added to the way he would lift his hair on his head, he was clearly manly despite his soft appearance. 

After getting off the bus, he made his short way home remembering some moments he spent with the singer, and one conversation stood out. He remembered when Myungjun suggested the possibility of wearing hearings aids again. The memories went back to his childhood, he vaguely remembered they increased the vibrations he felt and a weak perception of the voices around him. But he mostly remembered the bullying he endured and the loneliness it gave to him. Almost fifteen years had passed since the last time he had worn this medical equipment, his body was used to the calmness with which he had grown up, he didn't know if he was prepared for the disturbance it would bring. But a tiny part reminded him the argument Myungjun gave that night “And with them you could maybe 'feel' my voice!”. It was tempting. He could still try, even if he didn't support it, he could simply stop wearing them. It was expensive, but he had the money for, he didn't spend his money on useless things, so he had enough to afford these kinds of things.

The time he decided to buy those, he was in front of his apartment door. He quickly unlocked it and ran to his laptop to contact a hearing aid specialist. He couldn't call them, so he had to send an email, he already knew he would only have a reply the next day. He felt anxious, he hadn't seen a specialist for a long time, and the fact he knew he would have to explain why he didn't wear those aids left a nauseous feeling in his stomach. 

*

The appointment had been set two weeks later, which went surprisingly well. The doctor was extremely nice and comprehensive, despite disapproving of Jinwoo's original choice of not wearing any, she was pleased by his new decision. She taught him how to set the hearing aids they would receive within the next week, but his hearing was extremely bad, so she told him it would be hard at first to find the right setting for his ears. He only had to wait for her email indicating they received it and go to the appointment to finally wear them. He forced himself to keep it secret, he wanted to surprise his colleagues, his parents and Myungjun with it, but he knew that he would probably succumb to the temptation tonight, because it was the first time he would see Myungjun after having the first appointment with the specialist. 

Even though it was September, the heat of the summer was still omnipresent, and the cold shower he took after his work suddenly felt ineffective with the sweat his body was producing. When he entered the bar he directly ordered a fresh drink from the bartender who wasn't Myungjun. (Was he already in backstage, preparing for his performance? Jinwoo wasn't late, so Myungjun was probably performing earlier than usual.) After paying his drink, he sat at his usual table, not too close to the stage, but not too far. Where he was, his eyes could read Myungjun's lips (when he wasn't moving and dancing too much) and perhaps look at his brown and pretty eyes. He came alone today, because it was a week day and Sanha never played during the week (Jinwoo had learned he was still a university student), so Minhyuk didn't come with him, even if he got along with Myungjun and Jinwoo. 

As Jinwoo waited excitedly on his seat to see Myungjun appear on the stage, the curtains opened to reveal a man behind a microphone stand, wearing a cream-coloured shirt tucked into his brown pants. It was Myungjun. A single light lit him, and he lifted his head, looking at the public. He wore a serious expression on his face, something Jinwoo wasn't used to at all. He was always smiling, in casual clothes, singing dynamic songs. This time, it was different. 

"Hello everyone, today I'm going to sing _Thorn_ by Buzz." He was calm. He didn't say it with his usual overflowing joy. But the crowd didn't seem to be as surprised as Jinwoo was. Maybe Jinwoo was the only one who was interested enough in him to notice a change of his song style. He hadn't noticed that the music had started, and his trance was interrupted by the movement of Myungjun's lips, indicating he was singing. 

He scanned his face with his eyes, looking at his rounded and pink cheeks, his elegant and soft lips, his cute nose, he lingered at his eyes, his long eyelashes, and especially at his beautiful brown pupils. Suddenly, they moved from their original place, which was the middle of the public, to Jinwoo's eyes. His heart skipped a beat. They looked at each others for a few seconds, before the younger broke it, feeling his cheeks and the top of his ears heat up. Shyly, he rose his eyes, and saw that the singer looked again at the other clients. 

Jinwoo felt his heartbeat race, and put a hand against his chest, like to verify if it was real. He could feel the hard pounding of his heart on his fingertips. He looked at the people around him. They all watched Myungjun with awe. His eyes looked at him again, and after a moment seeming like eternity to him, the song ended. 

For the first time in his life, Jinwoo really regretted being deaf. 

He wanted to hear Myungjun's voice. He wanted to know why everyone was enthralled when he sang. He wanted to know why people cried when he finished the songs. Why others put their hands in front of their mouths in amazement. Why they were cheering so loudly for him. He felt like he was suffocating. The heavy heat caused by the hot season and the gathering of people in the same place was suddenly a weight he could not support. He stood up, not bothering to finish his drink, and started to walk. He wanted to leave, it was too much for him. On his way to the main door, a hand softly took his. He knew who it was, but if he turned his head to look at him, he was sure he would let his feeling overwhelm him and cry. As if he noticed Jinwoos internal conflict, Myungjun forced him to turn and immediately hold his other hand before he could do the least movement to leave. 

“Jinwoo, what's wrong?” he asked, full of concern. Of course it worried him, and a guilty feeling added itself to the weight that tightened his heart and to the unpleasant feeling in his stomach. Jinwoo shook his head and forced a smile in an attempt to reassure Myungjun while avoiding his heavy gaze, but he was far from being dumb, and the singer tightened his hold on his hands, stepping forward. It was his limit, and a sob escaped his mouth. Tears started to fall as his vision blurred, and he was sure he saw Myungjun eyes become instantly wider. He didn't know if he was speaking, but Jinwoo ignored him and forced a detachment of their hands. He messily wiped his cheeks and stepped back, then ran. He felt stupid and childish, especially because Myungjun followed him, totally ignoring his obligations of work. He couldn't wait for the next bus to come because he wouldn't be able to escape from him, so he lifted his hand, hopeful that a cab would see him and come quickly. He was suddenly hugged from behind, and the thin fingers that were holding tightly onto his shirt only belonged to the man he was running away from. 

Jinwoo took his phone and sent a message to him, asking him to let him go, but he remembered he didn't have his phone with him at work. He forced one of his hands (he was thankful for the strength difference between them) and gave him his phone. Myungjun didn't move at first, he probably feared that he would use it an occasion to leave, but he wasn't going to leave without his phone, so he relaxed, resting his cheek against Jinwoo's shoulder, and he moved his hand for reading the message. Myungjun made him turn his body, so they were in front of each other, and when he made sure that Jinwoo wasn't crying any more, he started talking.

“I'll let you go only if you tell me why you want to leave.” he insisted. Jinwoo looked down, didn't dare to look at his eyes. Myungjun was extremely persistent, it was normally one of his numerous qualities but right now it annoyed Jinwoo more than anything else. How could he say to Myungjun that he was running away from him because he felt like he didn't deserve him? No matter how good the hearing aids would be, Jinwoo's pathetic eardrums were too shabby to give him a chance to really hear anything, the aids would never let him hear. The aids would never let him hear _Myungjun_. He didn't really understand why he felt this way, he couldn't regret something he never had. He was just envious, and he hated his body for denying him any chance of hearing. A sudden touch on his face took him out of his thoughts, he realised after that it was Myungjun's soft hand that stroked his wet cheek. He didn't like how his heart began to beat faster at the feeling. He was completely aware of the nature of his feelings for him, and although he accepted them at first, now he wanted them to disappear because he knew they were hurting him and he felt unworthy of him. 

“ _I want to go home. I need to think, please let me._ ” He managed to write despite the tears and the uneasy feeling in his stomach.

“Is it because of me? Did I do something that upset you?” Myungjun asked, looking suddenly depressed. Jinwoo was quick to shake his head to refute his questions. “ _I'm the problem._ ” He wrote, but Myungjun didn't seem to understand. Jinwoo took advantage of his frozen state to leave and to go inside the cab behind him. A quick look at the window surprisingly showed him that Myungjun hadn't moved and hadn't tried to run after him, he only seemed thoughtful. Jinwoo didn't have the time to wonder why, because the cab driver was asking him where he wanted to go, and he remembered why he hated taking cabs so much. He couldn't get out now, so he lazily took his phone to write the address of his apartment, glad that the driver didn't ask any questions. 

The tranquil journey, not as turbulent as a bus journey, helped him to calm his nerves. He wasn't sure now how to act in front of him and what explanation he should give. He couldn't run away and stupidly hope that Myungjun would forget him. And Jinwoo didn't want him to forget their relationship. He felt guilt overwhelm him at the thought of making Myungjun worry about him, but the guilt vanished when he visualised him thinking as he was earlier. He hadn't seemed as worried as he had been before, as if he had somehow understood Jinwoo's concern, and that he was trying to interpret his behaviour.

Later that night, when Jinwoo went to bed, a notification lit his phone. He quickly put his glasses on his nose and opened it, still feeling this excitement to receive a message from Myungjun, although he didn't really want to talk at this hour about what happened earlier. He didn't blame him for that however, because he knew he had just finished his shift.

From _Myungjun_ :

[1:03am] _Are you free Saturday afternoon?_

[1:04am] _If you are, give me your address, I'll pick you up in my car._

Jinwoo blinked a few time before really understanding his messages. Before he could even think about his proposition, an inner thought helped him to notice that Myungjun would have thought about that during his whole shift because he sent the messages directly after it was over. He still felt his insecurities inside of him, but the curiosity of _where_ he wanted to bring him and _why_ he was ignoring the last event overlooked his bad thoughts. He didn't have any other choice than to accept it and be glad that he wasn't working on the week end. 

Finally, just when he thought earlier that he would have trouble falling asleep, he quickly relaxed on his pillow, a small smile on his lips brought by the fantasies that his future outing with Myungjun was making him dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't supposed to reveal this outing/date in this chapter but i thought it went well for the end of it xd
> 
> The [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsOUVTvVU4k) Myungjun is singing is the one he sang for King of Masked Singer !


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA almost two months later finally a new chapter >.> sorry

It was Friday night, Jinwoo had just finished his dinner and was now sat on his desk chair, looking at the email he had received earlier that day. The hearing aids specialist had set the appointment for next Tuesday, and she was asking for his confirmation. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't cancel it, the hearing aids were already made so he had to pay for them, but now he doubted their usefulness. Since he had run away from Myungjun, he hadn't gone back to the bar, he still remembered how pointless his presence had felt. He had had to face the painful reality and had to come back to Earth. Days had passed, and he had seriously thought of his actions, even though he had realised that he was maybe overreacting, he couldn't help but feel this feeling of inferiority, he couldn't help but think he didn't deserve Myungjun. Myungjun deserved someone who could listen to his singing voice, someone who could compliment and give a real review of his songs, not someone who could only dream to hear them. 

Yet, he longed to be by his side, that was why he hadn't be able to refuse his invitation for the next day. He'd passed the entire week wondering where he was driving him. If it was to the bar, he'd simply say to come by bus, but he had insisted to pick him up in his car (they'd gently argued about that, “ _Tell me where you want to go, I can take the bus, I'm sure there's a bus stop nearby._ ” which Myungjun had answered “ _It's a surprise, and if I tell you where it is, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore!_ ”). Despite all his insecurities, he couldn't stop the excitation he felt inside him, their usual meeting place was the bar, they'd never seen each other anywhere else. Maybe he was taking him to a nice place, maybe a restaurant, like normal people did, it had been his first idea, but he was picking him up at three in the afternoon, it would be too late. Maybe he was taking him to the cinema, however it would be difficult because Jinwoo needed subtitles for hearing impaired, and not all cinemas provided them, so he hoped that if Myungjun was taking him to watch a film, he'd thought about that. That single thought reminded him how annoying it was to hang out with him, and he tried to stop the depressive thoughts that came with it. Instead, as he rested his head on one of his sofa's cushions, watching the television without focusing on the show it was broadcasting, he continued to make theories of their outing. Maybe he was driving him to his apartment, though he didn't know what they could do there, but his mind liked to imagine how pretty where he lived would be. It would be as bright as his personality, with big windows to let the sunlight brighten his rooms. There would be a lot of plants too, some of them would be little flowers inside their cute pots on a decorative shelf, and the others would be too large to be on it, so they'd rest on the floor next to the biggest window of his living room. He remembered that Myungjun told him he had an aquarium with three goldfish, he imagined it very clean with clear and healthy water for his fishes that he would never forget to feed and surrounded by two of his pretty flowers. He found himself smiling fondly, and he was glad that no one was with him to judge him. 

Or maybe the truth was the absolute contrary, and if he'd insisted to pick him up, that was only to know where he lived so he couldn't escape his numerous questions about his behaviour that day, deep inside of him, it seemed the only right reason why he hadn't asked anything since he'd left in the cab. Jinwoo groaned and hit himself with the cushion he hugged previously. He needed to stop or he knew he'd try to find an excuse to cancel their outing, so he chose to focus on the television, although his mind still lingered on it.

*

Jinwoo just got out of the shower, and tried to dry his hair with a towel, knowing he'd have to use a hair dryer anyway. He didn't bother too much with that, only managing to dry it enough so it wouldn't drip everywhere. Because he had to hurry. He had spent too much time last night calming his depressive thoughts and had ended up falling asleep on his couch. His vibrating alarm clock was in his bedroom, attached to his pillow, so where he had been, it hadn't woken him. He had finally and unsurprisingly woken up too late. It reminded him of the first time Myungjun had invited him to the bar for what they liked to call their “dates”. 

_Date._

His body froze, stopping his actions (which was opening his bedroom door in order to grab his clothes) as his heart suddenly beat too quickly to think straight. He had to take three deep breaths to calm his nerves before making a coherent thought. It was the first time they'd meet somewhere which wasn't Myungjun's workplace, and Myungjun had really insisted on picking him up, like how someone would prepare a date with someone else. Someone they were interested in. Someone Myungjun was interested in. And this someone was him. Jinwoo squealed and placed his hands on his burning cheeks. They had joked about their “dates” at the bar, but even if sometimes Myungjun or himself would say a flirtatious sentence, neither had ever clearly declared any interest in the other. The more he thought about that, the more he realised that Myungjun had always been _touchy_ , like he had taken his hands when Jinwoo had cried, or hugged him from behind. They literally had a notebook reserved for their discussions that Jinwoo didn't use with someone else and that Myungjun kept with him. He shut his eyes tight and slapped his cheeks softly to calm his excitement. Myungjun hadn't said anything to make it sound like a date, it was only Jinwoo's imagination. But _what if..._

He came back to reality and remembered he had to hurry when he saw his phone light up informing him he had received a notification. A notification saying that there was someone in front of his main door. He looked at the time, it was already half past two, and if it was Myungjun, he was thirty minutes early. Jinwoo thought of politely opening the door to his guest, but half-way to it, he realised he was only wearing a towel and there was no way he would show himself like that to the person in front of his apartment. Though, he couldn't let them wait indefinitely, so he quickly picked some underwear, a pair of short and the first shirt he saw before running again to the door. 

Before he put his hand on the handle, he looked through the spyhole to see who was there, and it turned out to be exactly who he thought it would be. He knew that he didn't look presentable right now, with his wet hair sticking to his face or messily pointing up and his randomly selected clothing, but he opened the door nonetheless. Myungjun was standing there, wearing not too casual clothes neither too serious. Jinwoo read something in his eyes that looked like stress, anticipation, then amusement. _Amusement?_ He must have seen the confusion on Jinwoo's expression because he giggled slightly.

“Am I too early?” He pointed at Jinwoos rebellious hair. The latter felt a bit of shame, to be seen by his crush in this state. He let him walk inside, and Myungjun was quick to say, “You can go back to preparing yourself, unless you plan to come with me like that.” Jinwoo shook his head and bowed slightly to excuse himself for leaving him like that before going back to his bedroom. 

It took him ten minutes to decide on a good clothes choice, then he hurried to his bathroom to style his hair. On his way, he caught sight of Myungjun looking at his bookcase, and felt a bit of embarrassment when he saw that the book he was holding was his encyclopedia about the different dog races.

Eventually, he ended up being fully prepared only twenty minutes after Myungjuns early appearance. The latter just laughed at Jinwoo's behaviour, and he was sure he'd seen his lips murmured a little “cute” after he stumbled when he grabbed his shoes. They didn't stay at his house for long, Myungjun decided that it was better for them to arrive earlier.

The journey in Myungjun's car had been extremely calm. They hadn't communicated, and the older couldn't read and drive at the same time anyway, so Jinwoo just kept his gaze on the windows, and sometimes diverted it to discreetly look at Myungjun. He hadn't noticed it at first, too focused on observing the curve of his nose and the plumpness of his lips, but soon he detected a slight bouncing of his head and his mouth opening sometimes. _Was he singing?_ His eyes momentarily drifted from their original place to lower to the car's radio, which was turned on. It explained the vibrations he felt, added to the vehicles movement. Myungjun was singing while driving, and Jinwoo didn't know why, but it made him fall even more for him. 

After a while, the older parked his vehicle next to a building of which Jinwoo wasn't sure of the occupation. Myungjun noticed the confusion in his eyes, and smiled to reassure him, almost in a shy way. They walked inside, Myungjun didn't give him the time to read the boards with inscriptions on it, and directly directed him to a particular room while holding his hand. The hand Jinwoo had the chance to touch was trembling and sweaty, as if its owner was anxious, and instinctively, Jinwoo held it harder. Myungjun jumped, surprised, and giggled. But Jinwoo didn't know how to interpret his reaction. He hadn't been given the time to think about it, because they entered a room, which was full of tables and chairs, and more exactly, it looked like a _classroom._

There were people inside it, some younger than him, but adults too, which erased the possibility of a school, and the building didn't look like a school anyway, so he didn't really know what this class was. But then, he noticed that all the books on the tables and shelves were all about the same and only subject. The _sign language_. When he made sense of all the information he was given, he looked at Myungjun, who also noticed in the younger eyes that he had figured out. He giggled again at Jinwoo's astonished face. 

“Surprise!” He laughed. “I didn't plan to reveal it this soon, but yes, as you probably guessed it, I've been taking sign language classes for a few weeks now.” Reading it from his mouth felt like a confirmation, and Jinwoo's heart started to beat widely at the thought of Myungjun doing that for _him._ He knew how hard it was to learn it, and he guessed it was harder for an adult who normally didn't need it. Jinwoo was a child when he'd learned it, that kind of thing was easier for children to remember, but for a person who'd spent twenty five years of his life talking to express himself, it must be frustrating to use it. Jinwoo silently wondered if Myungjun would feel the same way he felt when Jinwoo communicated in English and had to stop and think to remember a word he only remembered in Korean. 

“Hey, don't look at me like that!” Myungjun awakened him from his thoughts. “Close your mouth, you look like a fish like that!” Jinwoo automatically hid his face with his hands as soon as he closed his mouth, reddening at the embarrassment of being caught with such a dumb face. For the third time, Myungjun giggled at his reaction and couldn't help but murmur; “Aah, you're so-” Unfortunately, Jinwoo didn't catch the last word, the elder had put his finger on his lips, as he didn't want him to read the last part. But it frustrated Jinwoo more than he'd think. What was he? Dumb? Stupid? Idiotic? His inner part hoped it was a compliment, and that Myungjun only ever thought of Jinwoo as nice, handsome, and perhaps cute. Somehow, cute seemed to fit very well in the sentence Myungjun had involuntary let out. 

A tall silhouette approached them and put its hand on Myungjun shoulder. A friendly gesture. “Hi hyung!” They said, and with one glance, Jinwoo immediately recognised the pretty man who was teaching sign language to Sanha months ago. Jinwoo had been curious about this man, but he hadn't gathered enough courage to ask Sanha about it, they knew each other, but not enough to talk about these things, or at least _for_ Jinwoo they were not close enough.

“Hi Dongmin!” Myungjun replied. Strangely, this name seemed familiar, but he couldn't remember where and when he'd heard it. As he noticed the confusion in Jinwoo's mind, Myungjun explained for him. “This is Bin's boyfriend, and they are both Sanha's friends! Do you remember that day when we saw Sanha and Dongmin using sign language? After that, I asked Sanha to introduce Dongmin to me so I could find out where he was learning it, now we're kind of classmates!” Jinwoo nodded, it explained how Myungjun had known Bin's name when they met him. “Dongmin, this is Jinwoo, the deaf friend I talked about!”

The former nameless man's mouth took a round shape in comprehension but suddenly turned into a smirk as if he had understood something. He offered his hand, what Jinwoo took, and talked. “Nice to meet you Jinwoo, hyung told me you were older than me, can I also call you hyung?” He waited for Jinwoo's confirmation before continuing. “I am an elementary school teacher, and our school started to have deaf and mute children, so I started taking sign language classes a year ago! I am a fast learner, so I think I'm pretty good now, even if I still have some difficulties. So feel free to talk to me in sign language if you need it!” Jinwoo noticed how Myungjun's face sulked at the a year ago, fast learner and _difficulties._ He cooed and fought against the urge of hugging him for how precious he was. Myungjun was adorable, and seeing how pissed it made him to realise that it would be hard and long to learn it made him even more endearing. 

Jinwoo quickly moved his hand and expressed himself in the only language he could actually show, sign language. He didn't have friends who knew this language, and the only people he could use it with was his parents, and he didn't see them often, so his occasions to use it were low in number. Jinwoo enjoyed the expression on Myungjun's face when he seemed to recognise a sign he was forming. He had on purpose made them slowly, and at the way Dongmins eyes watched him, Jinwoo quickly understood that he took some seconds to make sense of what he was seeing, so if he had formed them faster, he was pretty sure that Dongmin wouldn't have understood everything. He was indeed a fast learner, but he wasn't a genius. 

“You said my name, right? And Dongmin's name?” Myungjun asked excitedly, happy to be able to recognise their name. Jinwoo wasn't surprised, at his level, Myungjun should probably know the alphabet, some names and maybe basic greetings. 

“He said “Nice to meet you Dongmin, I'm glad to meet someone I'm able to communicate easily with, I'm counting on you to help Myungjun hyung learn!”, am I right Jinwoo hyung?” Dongmin translated, and the elder nodded to confirm it. Though, it wasn't exactly what he said, he'd never once thought that communicating with Myungjun with their notebook was not easy, Dongmin must have misinterpreted _quicker_ by _easier_. From the corner of his eyes, he saw that Myungjun was pouting, as if he was vexed about being ignored and that Dongmin was better than he was. Once again, Jinwoo had to fight against his feelings and not jump to hug him. Instead, he smiled with encouragement

An idea came to his mind, and he gestured to Dongmin, who concentrated his gaze on Jinwoo's hands again. His eyes shone as he seemed to understand what he was seeing, and he also looked confused, but he said it out loud anyway. “He asks you if you have the notebook with you, but I don't know what notebook he's talking about.” 

Myungjun's eyes widened a bit, a glint slightly appeared on them, and he quickly put his hand inside the bag he brought with him to finally pull out the notebook he and Jinwoo were used to seeing together. They didn't need anymore information, and as soon as the mechanic had a pen in hand, he started to write on the next blank page, smiling sweetly at the previous messages he had left inside it. He simply explained how he felt about this situation, explained that even if he liked talking in sign language, he'd use it with Dongmin only if he had to talk with him, but as long as Myungjun wasn't able to communicate with this language, he would still use their notebook. He also added that he didn't have to force himself, and he was fine with writing to express how he felt, but Myungjun quickly retorted that he would soon be able to talk with this manual language. It made Jinwoo smile softly, and he took advantage of the situation to ask him what he knew, safe for his own name and Dongmin's.

Myungjun seemed to take it as a challenge, and paused an instant to think at what word he would show to him. A blush came over his cheeks, and his eyes showed an insecure look, something Jinwoo had never seen in his gaze. Myungjun always looked confident, or at least sure enough of himself not to show any insecurity. A weight made its appearance in his stomach. Did it make him uncomfortable to learn his language? Jinwoo didn't want it, he wanted Myungjun to feel happy, and again, his deafness reminded him of the burden it was, not only for him but for his entourage. The singer's hands finally moved and clumsily formed a word he hadn't expected at all. 

_Jinwoo._

“Did I do it well? I'm still not used to it and the teacher often correct me because it don't form words well. I-I hope I did your name in the right way. Oh, did you even recognise I was doing your name? If not it would be so embarrassing!” He blurted out at such a quick pace that Jinwoo eyes struggled to understand everything, fortunately he still managed to get it. 

His previous bad thoughts vanished, replaced by a soft joy, and he couldn't stop a giggle from coming out from his mouth. “What?” Myungjun gulped, probably thinking that he was making fun of him. Instead, Jinwoo smiled and looked at him sweetly, and he reached his hands with his fingers, caressing Myungjun's softly. The latter jumped a bit, but said nothing as Jinwoo took his hands in his own in order to make him form his name in a better way. His touch was gentle, and they never once stopped their eye contact. He barely noticed Dongmin's eyes roll, he also ended by leaving them pretending that their behaviour made him ill. Myungjun giggled, but he still blushed harder. It was only when the teacher announced that the class had started that they left each other. 

Jinwoo passed the whole hour and a half helping Myungjun with the things he learned. He was serious in his learning, really determined to master the language, and Jinwoo wondered if he deserved it. He was happy he was doing that, but he knew those classes weren't free, and he didn't want Myungjun to spend money on things for him. If Jinwoo was normal, he wouldn't have made that decision, and they would have a normal relationship. He liked to think that they were special, but in Myungjun's angle he was only an interesting person, he had himself said that he'd never met a hard of hearing person, and he was probably hanging out with him only because he was like a curiosity for him. Jinwoo always was a curiosity for other people, and if Myungjun treated him differently, it was only because he had a kind personality. It felt like Jinwoo had fallen into a trap and grown feelings for the wrong person. It made him sick. 

Myungjun was putting his books away when he noticed the uncomfortable look Jinwoo tried to hide behind his gaze. He hadn't said anything, and had waited for them to exit the building to talk. He sat against the bonnet of his car and crossed his arms, looking at him half worried, half annoyed. Jinwoo didn't like his expression, he just lowered his gaze.

“What happened Jinwoo?” He attempted. Jinwoo shrugged. “You won't come to the bar anymore?” He sighed when he didn't receive any answer. “Do you feel ashamed because of your deafness? Don't look at me that surprised Jinwoo, I'm not dumb, but I wanted you to say it yourself.” The mechanic only signed _sorry_ , knowing that he'd learnt it.

“I don't learn it because I want it to be easier for you. Well, yes, a part of my decision is based on that, but the main reason is because I wanted it. It makes me happy to learn more things about you, and the sign language is undeniably a part of you.” He stopped in his talk when he realised that Jinwoo had started to write on the notebook.

“ _I just don't know what to think about our relationship. People usually ignore me because it's hard to communicate with me, or talk to me because it's interesting. I can't keep friends because when their curiosity is used up they don't have any reason to stay with me. My deafness always ends up being annoying and I'm scared that you'll leave me too. I can't even hear you, while the reason we became friends is your voice. I don't know if it's a good thing for me to stay attached to you, and even if you really like me as a friend, I don't feel like a good friend for you._ ”

'W-what?” He stammered out. “I-I'm not friends with you out of curiosity! I'm friends with you because I _like_ who you are! You're not some exotic animal that comes from a zoo! You're a human just like me, and I'm not hanging out with you because you're deaf! I'm hanging out with Jinwoo, a man I... get along with.” He paused as if he didn't say what he was really thinking. “You're not defined by your inability to hear, and I'm not defined by my singing capacities. We're both two men who are free to do whatever they want and to meet whoever they wish. If you want to be by my side, it's not because you're deaf or because you think you don't deserve me, that you can't. You're a grown man, you don't need other's opinions or your insecurities to decide for you, the only thing you need is _my_ opinion. And before you ask, yes, I want to be by your side.”

Jinwoo felt his eyes getting wet, and he could only nod after Myungjun's speech, which oddly sounded like a confession, but he chose to ignore this thought. He wanted to talk but his vision was blurred and he couldn't write, and before he could react, two thin hands were on his cheeks, wiping his tears. 

“I said don't cry Jinwoo.” He repeated, Jinwoo hadn't even noticed that he had been talking. “Aah, you're really a crybaby, aren't you?” He mocked gently, but his smile was nothing but kind and caring. Still unable to express his thoughts, Jinwoo just whined and boldly put his head against his neck. He was looking for comfort, and Myungjun didn't hesitate to hug him back, tightly holding his arms around his neck. 

After this day, both Jinwoo and Myungjun knew that their relationship was going to evolve, but in what way, Jinwoo wasn't sure. He could only hope that the assumption he'd made was correct, and that his interpretation of Myungjun's feelings were really what he dared to think, and want.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two months later again- imsorry

Jinwoo looked at the two hearing aids on his palms. He'd just come back from his appointment, but he still hadn't tried to wear them. Myungjun's words resonated in his head like a mantra. Myungjun really did enjoy being with him and he didn't feel forced or annoyed by Jinwoo's situation. So Jinwoo let himself hope that he had a chance, that maybe Myungjun could feel the same way Jinwoo felt for him. He also hoped that it would make Myungjun happy to learn that he had purchased hearing aids. 

Tonight, he had planned to surprise Myungjun with it and to come to the bar again. Though, he couldn't really hide his worry, the doctor had warned him about the change those aids would bring to him. He was still not going to properly hear, as he already knew, but he would be able to feel slight sounds and maybe be able to recognise who was talking, the owner of the voice. It made him happy, he wasn't sure if it was correct, but if _it was_ it meant that he could hear Myungjun, even just a little bit. She had also warned him about busy places, it was mostly noisy, and he needed to be used to wearing them before going to places like restaurants, cafés and _bars_ , which grouped numerous people in not too spacious rooms. But Jinwoo worked in a garage, and the sound of vehicles wasn't what he could call quiet, he always felt loud vibrations when an engine was running, so if he had to experience that tomorrow, he could perfectly handle a bunch of people tonight.

As his old habit, Jinwoo was looking at his reflection one last time before he needed to go to the bus stop. His eyes drifted to his ears now dressed in two hearing aids, they were discreet and translucent, his hair was long enough to hide the back of his ears. Except if someone glared intensively at them, they wouldn’t notice his aids. He didn’t know how to introduce it to Myungjun, so he secretly hoped that he would look at him intensively enough to see them himself.

The doctor wasn’t wrong. He just stepped out his apartment block and the noise difference between the inside and the outside was colossal. While the inside was calm and empty, the outside was loud and busy. The pavements at the sides of the road were followed by dozen of people and the cars were speeding by between them. It was a sight he was used to seeing but not a sound he was used to hearing. And although it wasn’t a full sound, it was more than what he was used to. It was almost disturbing, his mind was so focused on this sense that he lost his balance and was close to falling on the ground. He deeply wanted to turn off his hearing aids but he had to get used to this ambient slight noise, he guessed it was stronger for someone who didn’t have hearing problems, so he just tried his best to reach the bus in time.

Fortunately, he got it without difficulties, and the journey had been quiet. There wasn’t too many people who were travelling by bus at this hour it seemed, and Jinwoo was thankful. However, the bar was going to be a very different experience. He was now standing in front of the glass door, closed because of the weather, the fresh wind reminded him that the hot days of summer were coming to an end. After a deep breath, he entered the building. As expected, the vibrations and the noise was louder than usual, but not as much as what he was expecting. Lots of people were talking to each other, and he was unable to understand them, just the noise was different from one person's voice to another. He wasn’t close enough to be sure of that, and he wasn’t given the time to try anything because Myungjun just appeared in front of him with his usual bright and wide smile. He took Jinwoo’s hand in his own and found a path to a table, the same they went to the day they started their “dates”. But this time it was different, after their discussion, something changed and he allowed himself to have that feeling that maybe they could get romantically involved in a relationship. 

“Hello Jinwoo, how was your day?” He asked with his sweet voice. Or the slight sound he could hear was _sweet_. He couldn’t really make sense with what he said, but he recognised it as his voice since it came out at the moment his lips moved. Jinwoo smiled at him with crescent-shaped eyes and enthusiastically nodded his head in confirmation, Myungjun just giggled at his excitation.

Unfortunately, he was working and couldn’t stay at the table with him. After a wave of his hand, he went to the counter and Jinwoo sighed, staring at his back. The evening passed slowly, and without realising it, Jinwoo drank more alcohol than usual. Myungjun wasn’t with him a lot, tonight was busy, and the only way Jinwoo found to replace boredom was to drink. His head started to spin because of the mixture of the constant noise and the alcohol running through his blood. He deeply wanted to turn them off but Myungjun still hadn’t noticed them, and the main point of his visit tonight was that. Nothing happened like he wanted, Myungjun wasn’t even singing, and it annoyed Jinwoo a lot. He _wanted_ to know how it would feel to hear him sing, and the feeling intensified after he saw some other singers performing on the stage. After a moment, he realised that his glass was empty, so he stood up and went to the bar. He bumped into several customers on his way to the counter and had to hold his hands on the wooden barstool so he wouldn’t fall. 

“No more alcohol for you.” Myungjun said when he saw him gesturing for a new glass of soju (when did he start to order soju instead of beer?). Jinwoo looked a him and grunted, _when you’ll notice me so I could stop using alcohol as distraction_ he quietly thought. Though, he was satisfied when he saw a filled glass in front of him a minute later. After some struggles, the mechanic sat on the barstool and rested his head on his left hand, looking at the older working on other clients. He had pulled his hair back, Jinwoo could see sweat dropping from his forehead and Jinwoo found that oddly attractive. Sweat was gross, but it made his forehead glow with the lights on the ceiling and Jinwoo’s thoughts were going to a very bad direction right now. Fortunately, Myungjun chose this moment to go back to him with his adorable smile, completing the eye contact that Jinwoo desperately needed. There was something in the older’s gaze that made Jinwoo’s chest feel warm, it looked like affection, tenderness, fondness, and he knew that his own gaze was filled with nothing else that longing, desire, love. 

Myungjun, who had put his elbows on the counter and linked his hands together in order to look properly at Jinwoo, suddenly moved his left hand and brushed Jinwoo’s bangs. His fingers lowered to his cheek, the younger was sure that he could feel the burning heat that radiated from his skin. It reminded him too much of that day when they had this discussion with Sanha and Bin, Jinwoo had held his breath and looked at him quietly, but now his breaths were deep and strong, and his gaze was lost in his eyes, totally ignoring the crowd that surrounded them tonight. The index traced his jaw, Myungjun’s eyes had broken their contact to scrupulously admire the traits of his face, until the finger touched his lower lip. Boldly, he tempted to brush against the wet flesh that Jinwoo had previously licked with his tongue, the younger felt his whole body shiver at the unfamiliar contact between them. He finally held his breath when Myungjun tried to look at him as if he feared that he was going too far. Sadly, he seemed to misinterpret Jinwoo's reaction and removed his hand with an embarrassed cough. Jinwoo, too, felt a bit of embarrassment deep inside his stomach and his first reflex was to drink his glass waiting for him since ten minutes ago. However, the taste wasn’t how he had expected, it didn’t taste like soju, in fact, it didn’t have taste, and his brain took some seconds to conclude that it was only water. When Jinwoo frowned at him, Myungjun relaxed and laughed as he suddenly remembered the true content of the glass he had given to him some minutes ago. 

“You drank enough tonight, Jinwoo.” He started, but smiled softly. “My shift ends in fifty minutes, I can drive you home if you want.” Jinwoo nodded, totally forgetting that the glass he was draining was nothing more than still water. After that, he had to leave him to his bartender job, and Jinwoo didn’t realise that he relaxed so much, despite the excitation, that he fell asleep on the counter. 

It was only when a hand pet his hair that he opened his eyes. He was welcomed by a smiling, although tired, Myungjun. He didn’t say anything, he just helped Jinwoo to stand up and held his hand to make sure that he was following him. Jinwoo yawned but followed him nevertheless. It was only when the illumination of the street lights brightened his face that he finally noticed the darks rings under the older’s eyes, though Myungjun didn’t say anything about that and just opened the door of his car for him. 

The journey was calm, this time he wasn’t singing along with the music coming from the radio, it wasn’t even turned on. Jinwoo wanted to keep looking at him, but his eyes closed by themselves again, longing to go back to sleep. He fought against it during the whole way home, but he still needed Myungjun’s intervention to be properly awake when they arrived in front of his apartment block. 

“We’re at your place.” He murmured. He waited a few seconds before he noticed that Jinwoo didn’t move. “What?” He only got a pout from the other guy. Jinwoo didn’t want to leave him now, his reasonable side knew that Myungjun was tired and that he should go home and sleep, but his unreasonable side was ready to stay in this car all night if it meant that he would finally notice the little aids on Jinwoo’s ears. Unfortunately for Myungjun, Jinwoo was drunk, and his unreasonable side took over. Myungjun rolled his eyes and parked his car in the car park next to the apartment block. After that, he got out and forced Jinwoo to leave the car too, but the latter resisted. 

“Please, Jinwoo!” Myungjun was clearly pissed and annoyed. “I will go with you, okay?” He tried to calm himself, and Jinwoo stood up. A relieved sigh escaped from Myungjun’s lips as they finally went inside the building. When they arrived in front of Jinwoo’s door, the grip he held on Myungjun’s arm tightened. “Do you want me to go inside with you?” When Jinwoo nodded, a soft smile appeared on his tired face. 

On his side, Jinwoo’s brain desperately tried to find a way to make him stay as long as possible, so when Myungjun directed him to his bedroom and suggested it was time for him to go, Jinwoo hugged him. His body had acted first, and by the time the information reached his mind, he was already tightly holding his waist and rested his forehead against Myungjun’s. Their noses bumped into each other, they could feel each other’s breath and they eyes had never been that close. Myungjun’s gaze was full of questions, unsure and his cheeks were tinted a lovely shade of red. By the time Jinwoo realised his actions, he found himself unable to move and only lowered his eyes. Noticing that, Myungjun started to move, but only to bring them closer than they already were by putting his arms around his neck. 

“Jinwoo…” Myungjun breathed, his lips almost didn’t move, and if Jinwoo didn’t spend so much time thinking at how his lips moved when they pronounced his name, he probably wouldn’t have noticed it. He gathered his courage and looked up again, he held his breath involuntarily. Myungjun looked conflicted, as if he wanted to go further but he didn’t dare. Weakly, he talked. “Breathe Jinw-”

A pair of lips brushed against his, trembling. Jinwoo’s mind went blank as he felt himself moving forward, stopping Myungjun’s words. He kissed him more firmly to finally get a reaction from the older who seemed to have ceased his internal conflict. Jinwoo’s hands pressed his back so their whole bodies were in contact, and Myungjun instinctively tightened his arms. After a few seconds, Jinwoo tried to have access to his mouth with his tongue, but Myungjun surprisingly rejected him and step backwards. 

“I-I’m sorry…” He started with an erratic breath. “We should stop… I’m sorry Jinwoo, bye.” And he suddenly left.

Jinwoo just looked at his back until his door closed, leaving him all alone. He put one hand on his chest but he could only feel his irregular heartbeats, and he tried somehow to calm himself. Finally, when he made sense of his disordered thoughts, he realised that Myungjun left without ever noticing his hearing aids.

*

The next day, Jinwoo woke up with a slight headache, and with a big amount of guilt and shame. He couldn’t look at himself in a mirror without lowering his gaze to his mouth and remembering the feeling of Myungjun’s lips against his. On his way to work, he saw a couple of teenagers kissing in a position similar to him and Myungjun last night, and it reminded him of it again. He was grumpy, and his colleagues had probably never seen him like that. When he entered, he barely saluted them and directly went to work on the car that had arrived the previous day after getting caught up in an accident.

A new shock to his colleagues suddenly appeared, Minhyuk just showed up with the biggest smile that his face had ever held in front of them, looking as if he was freed from all the problems he could have and that absolutely nothing could spoil his happiness. He joyfully greeted everyone, one by one, to finally come to Jinwoo and literally jump on him to give him a hug. Jinwoo momentarily forgot his Myungjun problem to focus on what was actually happening. Minhyuks head went backwards and he suddenly exclaimed, “Thank you so much hyung!”

When he estimated that he had hugged him for long enough, Minhyuk finally released him. He didn’t wait for Jinwoo to ask what happened and directly admitted everything. “Bin hyung contacted me! We will meet on Saturday!” Jinwoo’s eyes widened and he managed to smile for the first time today. “He told me that his boyfriend persuaded him to do that! It seems that you and Myungjun convinced him to do that for me! Thank you both so much!” Jinwoo accepted the acknowledgment though he never talked to Dongmin about that, maybe Myungjun had acted in secret. 

Jinwoo pet his head and smiled softly before returning to the car he was working on. He also noticed it was the first time that Minhyuk came late at work. He was really cute sometimes. 

A few hours passed, and Jinwoo was still working on this damn vehicle. Something messed up and he was splashed with motor oil, his clothes were dirty, sticky and he stank. The icing on the cake, all his colleagues made fun of him and he didn’t find where the problem of this car was. Minhyuk was nice enough to bring him a towel so he could wipe his face and his bare arms. Jinwoo sighed deeply, he wanted this day to finish quickly so he could sleep and cry for good.

At the exact moment when Jinwoo thought he was going to explode because of this cars dysfunction, a new customer entered their garage. Jinwoo badly wanted a slight distraction, so he rolled outside the bottom of the vehicle to see what it was. Though, he quickly regretted it because it was the last person he was ready to see right now, Myungjun. He hurriedly returned under it, but Minhyuk had a different idea. 

“Hyung! Myungjun’s here! It’s not a big thing, he only needs a new headlight, you can do that!” He suggested. “And I know you want to.” He finished with a wink. Jinwoo just sighed, he couldn’t refuse because it would mean explaining what happened and the other employees looked at him curiously. He couldn’t blame them, Jinwoo never talked about himself, they didn't know anything about him, so it was probably the first time they saw someone who wasn't one of them who seemed to know him. He didn’t have any other choice than to stand up and to give the car he was working on to Minhyuk.

Jinwoo felt a bit embarrassed of his appearance, he looked shabby and gross but the shame from the last night was overwhelming, he didn’t dare look at Myungjun in the eyes. His gaze was directed to the dirty floor, but Myungjun’s head appeared as he lowered his body so Jinwoo could read his lips.

“You can’t understand me if you look down.” He remarked, but no smile was noticeable on his usually joyful face. The guilt felt suddenly heavier in his guts and Jinwoo’s only answer was a slight nod. “My right headlight stopped working yesterday when I was going back home.” He quickly explained, Jinwoo immediately started to worry about the safety of driving during the night without a clear visibility, and as if it was obviously written on his face, Myungjun reassured him. “Do not worry Jinwoo, I went back home without a problem, it happened just before I parked at my apartment.” A relieved sigh escaped from his mouth, and for a mere second a faint smile appeared on Myungjun’s face. Though, the awkward atmosphere between them quickly came back as he noticed Jinwoo’s glare to his smile. Jinwoo’s eyes fell again, and he immediately worked on Myungjun’s vehicle. 

This car’s issue wasn’t hard to resolve, and soon he was already looking for a new light in their stock. Myungjun had waited and looked at him silently during the whole process, but he was now talking with Jinwoo’s boss for the bill. Jinwoo looked at them from afar, worrying slightly when he saw Myungjun’s eyes widen at the bill. Changing a headlight wasn’t the most expensive thing for a car, so it was unusual to see a client reacting this way for only that.

Before he decided to leave, Myungjun went back to Jinwoo’s position, which was back to this annoying car, and he stopped in front of him, fidgeting his fingers. “Hm, J-Jinwoo…”

Jinwoo stared cautiously at him. “When is your break?” He didn’t need more explanation to know why he was asking that, and a quick glance to the clock indicated him that noon was already passed, which meant that only half an hour was left until his break. Unable to lie to him, he moved his hands to sign ‘one o’clock’. Myungjun’s eyebrows narrowed as he tried to understand his words, and his eyes shone when he exclaimed out loud “One o’clock?”. His reactions were endearing every time he got a sign right, and Jinwoo couldn’t help but nod and smile. “I’ll wait for you outside the garage, see you later.”

And that's what he did. Thirty minutes later, after Jinwoo washed his arms and his face, he found him sat on the bench next to the building. Jinwoo awkwardly coughed as he took place next to Myungjun who put his phone back inside his jacket’s pocket. Myungjun didn’t wait anymore and turned his head so Jinwoo could easily read his lips.

“Do you remember last night?” He directly spoke on the subject, without beating around the bush. Jinwoo, however, was more anxious and took a few seconds before nodding his head. Myungjun gulped but still continued. “I am sorry.” He lowered his eyes, as if he didn’t want to see Jinwoo’s expression. “You were drunk, I was wrong, it never should’ve happened.” He paused and took a deep breath. “If… If you accept it, can we… act as if nothing happened? I won’t do that again… and I don’t want to lose you.” 

Jinwoo was speechless. He wasn’t sure of Myungjun’s feelings about that kiss, but he didn’t like how he acted like he was the one who kissed him. Jinwoo was indeed drunk that night, but not drunk enough to not control his actions, and _he_ kissed him. Although he probably wouldn’t have done that sober, he initiated it and hadn’t been rejected. Myungjun was extremely sober, though tired, but he kissed him back. Jinwoo was sure he had wanted it too, but Myungjun’s expression right now dissuaded him to ask more. 

He seemed so remorseful that Jinwoo couldn’t help but to hold his hand and to rub his thumb against his. He hopefully rose his gaze into Jinwoo’s, who warmly smiled at him and nodded again. Myungjun happily smiled back, which slighty appeased the bitter feeling that Jinwoo tried to hold back. He didn’t want to act as if nothing happened, but he didn’t want to see Myungjun feeling that bad and that sad about this. Maybe Jinwoo was the only one who wanted it, maybe his drunk brain mistook Myungjun’s reaction, maybe he mistook Myungjun’s whole behaviour with him from the very beginning, so he decided to keep everything, every feeling for him from now, as long as he was able to hold back next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY KISSED--
> 
> Next chapter we will learn more about junnie hehe :D
> 
> I created a new twitter cause i wasn't comfortable with my fics on the other so now you can find me on @MagiquePillow (i changed my AO3 username too :D), I talk about my fics, my ocs and a lot of nonsense :3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 5 months, here's a new chapter :'D 
> 
> It isn't proof read by Adam this time, I hope it won't have too much mistakes and if it does, feel free to tell me (without being mean if possible >.> I'm trying my best) 
> 
> I am currently working on a myungjin body switch os that has 14k words, I am planning to make it around 20k so I hope I will post it soon ;-;
> 
> Anyway, happy new year Eve for all of you!! <3

Things had been calm since then. Jinwoo seemed to handle it, but especially because Myungjun avoided contact with him, as if he feared that they’d accidentally commit this act again. Though Jinwoo wanted to hold him once more, he didn’t feel as disappointed and sad that he would’ve expected. His brain might be slow, but he wasn’t dumb. And Myungjun had shown signs that led to think that he was feeling the same way as Jinwoo did. Those last few days, Jinwoo had spent his time at the bar meticulously observing his interactions with the clients and with his friends, and even if he was close and touchy with the last ones, he wasn’t as touchy as he was with him. It was different, he didn’t trace their faces with his fingers, he didn’t lose his eyes in theirs, he didn’t softly caress their hands and their hair, and he never kissed them. That was why he didn’t understand Myungjun. Why he wanted so bad to forget this night when Jinwoo was pretty sure that he noticed his feelings. Myungjun was smart, and Jinwoo wasn’t really good at hiding his feelings, he probably saw it. But except that, Myungjun’s behaviour with Jinwoo was the same as before.

Jinwoo got out of the shower and took a towel to dry his hair. Tonight was finally the day when Minhyuk would have this conversation with Bin and they chose to come to the bar where Myungjun worked. If he had understood well, it seemed that Sanha and Dongmin would be there too. He hoped that things would be settled this night for them.

When he arrived at the bar, there was no Myungjun behind the counter, neither on the stage. He naturally wondered if he was backstage preparing himself for his performance, but then he remembered that Myungjun didn't sing today. He'd sent a message earlier that week, saying that he would reduce his amount of performances. Because of that, Jinwoo hadn’t been able to see him performing since he had his hearing aids. Jinwoo hadn't asked why, but he couldn't deny the fact that made him curious, Myungjun loved singing, he'd do it every single day if he were given the opportunity so there must be a reason behind why he wasn't performing anymore.

Jinwoo quickly spotted the young guitarist, he was excitedly talking with Minhyuk who was there before him for once. He was smiling, a bit nervously though, but it was understandable. The latter noticed him, waving his hand, and Jinwoo walked toward them, but he wondered if he could really sit with them when they were probably talking about something that wasn't his business. Well, thinking again about it, Jinwoo had interfered in their problem, so it wasn't like he was a complete stranger. He was still going to sit on the chair Minhyuk offered to him nevertheless, until Sanha took his attention.

“I guess you want to see Myungjun hyung, he's on his break. You're not supposedly allowed to do that, but go to the staff door, he's outside.” He informed, perfectly knowing Jinwoo's objective. The oldest smiled in gratitude before diverting his way to the door. The staff here knew that he was an usual customer and that him and Myungjun talked a lot, so he guessed it was okay for him to take it. It gave access to the break room, and at the end of it was an outside door, behind which Myungjun was.

The cool air attacked his skin, but Jinwoo didn't mind. It was well-welcomed after the stifling hot summer they had, and the weather was still warm despite the fall season was just weeks away. Mixed to the wind, a disturbing odour tickled his nose. It smelled bad, it stank. But more important, it smelled _tobacco_. His eyes immediately looked for Myungjun, and found him standing against the wall, looking at the sky, a cigarette between his thin and soft fingers.

Myungjun _smoked?_

He still hadn't noticed Jinwoo's presence, and he was glad of that because he needed time to be able to swallow the information. Myungjun always smelled nice, a floral perfume, it was agreeable. Myungjun had never smelled bad, he had never smelled tobacco. Why did he smoke? He hoped it was just occasional and not a habit.

That was only when he felt that he could handle this information that he walked towards him and made him notice his presence, by putting a hand on his shoulder, an action that made Myungjun jump in surprise.

“J-Jinwoo?” He asked, he clearly hadn't heard the sound of steps or the door being opened and closed behind him. He must have been thinking deeply, about what, Jinwoo hoped it wasn't something that worried him too much. It just increased the concern he felt for him. In Myungjun's gaze, he could detect worry, sadness and insecurity. Again, he saw insecurity. Myungjun was _never_ insecure, so why did he feel like that? Or maybe, Jinwoo realised, he just hid it well. Jinwoo was just too slow to notice it before. After all, Myungjun was human, like him, he couldn't always be happy. Jinwoo also realised that he didn't know much about him, he never talked about himself, Myungjun knew everything about Jinwoo's worries, but the mechanic knew _nothing._ He hated that, he hated the fact that he had never asked, he had never let Myungjun think that he was interested on him and he could listen to him. He had just assumed that he didn't have problems, that he was living a happy life. He felt egotistic.

“What are you doing there?” Myungjun finally said after regaining his composure. Jinwoo immediately noticed his vain attempt of hiding the unhealthy object, and the mechanic didn't hesitate to gesture towards it, formulating his silent question. Myungjun nervously licked his lips and diverted his eyes, avoiding Jinwoo's. “T-that's nothing...” He answered, trying to avoid telling the truth, but Jinwoo's intense gaze didn't falter, he kept looking at him clearly showing that he wasn't going to let it go.

The singer folded his arms against his chest in order to rub them, as if the cool air was too cold for him. He let his head fall forward, looking at the dirty ground, defeatist. As the way he put his face, Jinwoo couldn't see him properly so when he perceived a movement of his cheek and heard the light sound of his voice, he guessed he told something but hadn't been able to decipher the sentence. He had to shake his shoulder so Myungjun could notice that he wasn’t able to understand him like that. It only added some guilt inside his eyes, which already looked sad and ashamed. Jinwoo realised that maybe he was thinking that Jinwoo was disappointed and upset. Perhaps he felt disappointed, but he wasn’t mad, he only wanted explanations. That was why he softened his gaze and his touch, gently caressing his shoulder in order to comfort him. It seemed to work, because Myungjun raised his head and talked again.

“I’m sorry…” He started. He took a deep breath before turning his face so he could watch in Jinwoo’s eyes and see all his reactions. “I don’t smoke often. I just do it when I’m stressed, it seems to calm my nerves.”

Jinwoo nodded, it explained why he’d never smelled smoke. _“Then why are you stressed?”_ He didn’t bother to look for their notebook and he just took out his phone.

The cigarette was back between Myungjun’s lips. After he blew the smoke in Jinwoo’s opposite direction, he asked. “It doesn’t bother you?” Honestly, it did, but he shook his head, because things already seemed difficult for Myungjun. “I hope you don’t lie.” He smoked his cigarette again, but he couldn’t avoid Jinwoo’s intense gaze. “I’m trying to shun the question Jinwoo, don’t look at me like that.” Jinwoo just crossed his arms, waiting.

“You’re annoying.” He started. “Well, no. I’m the one who is annoying. I just have too many things that worry me, it’s not… it’s not important.” He faked a smile, it was obvious. Jinwoo sighed, hitting that he wanted more explanation. “I… I don’t usually talk about my concerns, it’s okay for me. I will feel better soon, I know it, I’m used to it.” He finished sadly.

“ _So you smoke. Because it’s the only way you found to feel better._ ” Jinwoo knew that his eyebrows were frowning, but he couldn’t help the slight angry feeling inside him. Too many people were addicted to this shit, some died from it, he didn’t want Myungjun to be one of them, especially if it was for this reason. Myungjun nervously bit his bottom lip.

“I don’t know h-how to confide, Jinwoo. I’ve never done that, people never ask me how I feel, people just assume that I’m always happy and I’m fine with it. I don’t want to worry anyone about my worries that are caused by no one but myself. If I- if I wasn’t a failure, it wouldn’t be… like that.” Myungjun’s stammers increased as he talked, and the insecurity inside his eyes was even more pronounced as before.

“ _Just let it go. Talk, talk until you let go everything that worries you._ ” Myungjun stared a long minute at Jinwoo’s phone, several emotions passed through his eyes, but it was only when they rose to look at Jinwoo’s that his lips moved.

“I don’t know where to start.” He breathed deeply, followed by a gulp. “When I was younger, my dream was to be a singer. Well, it’s still my dream. I- I auditioned in different companies when I was in high school, but it was hard, they said that I had a good voice but I was too shy. So I forced myself to become more confident, but it still didn’t work. A month before my final exams, I gave up.” His voice cracked. “I gave up to become a singer, and I failed my exams. In front of my classmates, I just laughed, in front of my parents, I said it was okay, and when I was left alone in my bed, I just cried. I didn’t know what to do. My dreams of being a singer were crushed and I failed high school.”

“I was depressed at that time, but I somehow found the courage to work for the retake exams. My parents were very supportive, all this time they always supported me, and finally, I passed the exams. I didn’t go to college after that, I preferred to directly work. I was older and more mature, and my parents suggested that I could try to audition again at companies. This time, one company accepted me. I was so happy, I was finally able to reach my dream, I’ve never felt so ecstatic in my life than that day! But… as you can guess, it still didn’t work. I didn’t want to be an idol, I wanted to sing. B-but they didn’t let me choose, I had to live through a terrible diet, to learn how to dance, to improve my singing capacities, to gather more confidence and to work for money. It was too hard, it was impossible. I didn’t get along with the other trainees, but I can’t blame them, only the best ones can fulfil their dream, and I was just… normal. A normal guy with good singing skills. Yet, I knew it would be hard, I worked so hard to become a trainee, I couldn’t give up like that. Two years after being a trainee, I passed my majority and I was still… a trainee. I saw younger ones join a group, while I was still staying up late in the practice room so I could improve my dance skills.” He shakily paused, his eyes became to shine because of the wetness they produced. “B-but… o-one day… they d-discovered that I w-was gay, a-and-”

His throat was knotted, no sound could escape from his mouth until a sob freed him. Jinwoo could hear thanks to his hearing aids that his voice sounded extremely different than earlier, probably because of the tears. “I- I couldn’t handle such h-homophobic b-behaviour every day! N-no trainees dared to talk to me, t-they feared the r-rumours. I w-wasn’t fired, b-but the c-company obviously g-gave me less chance do p-prove my c-capacities a-and I… and I g-gave up a-again.” Jinwoo struggled a lot to understand his trembling sentences, but he chose not to mention it.

“I was almost twenty-two years old, and I w-was jobless, not in school and I- I had to live in my parents h-house again. It was probably the w-worst part. I w-worked so hard those last years, a-and even if I said for a long time that was because my s-sexuality, I have to admit that was o-only because I’m untalented, I just… I wasn’t mean to become a singer.” He wiped his face. “I spent the next year at the familial house, I did some jobs, but I didn’t have any objective i-in my life anymore. Beside music, my other passion was drawing and more specifically architecture, and I decided to do that and I went to college at twenty-three. I’m twenty-five now, I’m only in my second year, I still have two years in college, I will finish at twenty-seven, and I still hadn’t done the military service! I don’t know if I will graduate, I-I’m so old next to my classmates, I struggle a lot. I live alone again, but between the school fees, my car, my apartment and all the bills I have, I-I can’t… I even had this stupid idea to take sign language classes!” He admitted out loud before realising his mistake.

“I don’t mean that I don’t like that! It’s just… so expensive, I was already struggling a lot financially and i-it just added more weight to the money I lose every month…” He stopped to properly wipe his face with a tissue that Jinwoo took out during his speech. “I originally didn’t want to tell you that I was a student, I was so embarrassed. Y-you are socially disadvantaged due to your hearing handicap, and you’re two years younger than I am b-but you have a great job, you have a clean and wider apartment than me and your life seems so… peaceful next to mine. I know that your handicap causes you difficulties but that put aside, you’ve never seemed to have a hard life a-and I was… ashamed. I’m the older one and my life is still uncertain…” His voice trembled and tears fell again. “I- I even have to stop singing at my job because the time we spend on stage is removed from our salary! I d-do extra hours at work because I n-need more money! When I finish school, I immediately go to my sign language classes, if I don’t have it I go to work until one in the morning or even later sometimes, and it’s only at this moment that I c-can do my homework a-and finally s-sleep… to w-wake up at six am..” He sniffed as he let his body fall in a squatting position. “I-I’m so tired… The exams start s-soon, I can’t f-focus well on my classes, I often h-have headaches… I d-don’t… I don’t have time to fall in love…”

Although Jinwoo had perfectly understood the end of his revelation, he tried his best to ignore it and squatted next to him. He tenderly wrapped his arms around his neck so he could rest his head against Jinwoo’s chest. The position was uncomfortable, his legs hurt and his body wanted to sit on the dirty ground, and as the way Myungjun’s legs trembled he easily guessed that he wasn’t the only one who suffered of the position. He patted the top of his head and helped him to stand up. Though, Myungjun refused to let him go, he tightened the grip of his hands on Jinwoo’s shirt and his head took place against his neck.

Suddenly, Myungjun froze. Before Jinwoo could wonder what happened, he felt a hot breath and a pair of lips moving against his skin, it made him shiver. Jinwoo stepped back in surprise, but Myungjun interpreted it as a sign that meant he hadn’t understood what he just said.

“There’s something in your ear.” He repeated, and his right hand loosened its grip on his shirt to move on his ear, rubbing softly its top to his lobe. Jinwoo felt blood gather to his face, his eyes lost themselves on Myungjun’s curious expression. He knew his face and his ears were blushing, but he didn’t care the slightest, he had missed so bad Myungjun’s gentle touches. After a few seconds, he remembered Myungjun’s comment and quickly took his phone to finally reveal what he hid to him for so long.

“ _Those are hearing aids. I have them for a few weeks now, I was waiting for you to notice them._ ” Myungjun’s eyes widened as the guilt came back on his face.

“I’m sorry, I-” Jinwoo suddenly patted his hair and smiled at him, a wordless way to say to him not to worry. Myungjun nodded and nuzzled to his neck again, asking for comfort. Jinwoo didn’t need to be asked twice and immediately hugged him again. They stayed like that for at least five longs minutes, their embrace was only broken when Jinwoo loosened his grip and held his hand. Myungjun didn’t question his behaviour and let him bring him to the main room of the bar, the cigarette long forgotten.

When they found their friends, Bin and Dongmin were here, and without the need to read their lips, he could immediately see that they were talking about that subject. They didn’t want to bother them, so Jinwoo went to the counter, never once letting his hand go. Though, Myungjun loosened his fingers, mouthing; “I need to go back to work.” Jinwoo dropped his hold, resigned. Before he left, Myungjun gave him their notebook, a quiet way to say that he would still try to talk to him while he was behind the counter.

Jinwoo felt butterflies in his stomach as he held the familiar object. He sat at his usual stool, that was fortunately free, and started to flip lazily the pages of the book. More than the first half was already used and Jinwoo noticed the little doodles that Myungjun must’ve added when he read it. Now that he knew Myungjun’s struggles, he wondered if he liked to read it when his mood was down, he wondered if reading Jinwoo’s comments helped him to feel better. He hoped they did. Jinwoo looked for the pen in his jacket’s pockets he always kept with him and wrote what he was thinking for the past ten minutes.

When Myungjun finally appeared in front of him, he excitedly lifted the book to the last used page and waited for him to take it. Myungjun was a bit startled but took it all the same. After some seconds, he gasped as his eyes widened and his cheeks took a pink colour. “It won’t bother you?” He first asked, and continued when Jinwoo shook his head. “I’ve already thought about that option but I didn’t dare ask you b-but if you’re the one who suggests it… I want to do that!” He concluded then and seemed to resist the urge to hold Jinwoo in his arms. Jinwoo was happy, he liked to see him smile like that and he was glad that his suggestion seemed to please him.

Then, Myungjun ran to the table of their four friends and showed the page to them. He totally ignored their actual discussion, but fortunately, they didn’t seem to fight right now but to have a casual conversation, making Jinwoo wonder if they resolved their problem. He didn’t give more thought and followed Myungjun, who just shouted.

“Jinwoo will teach me sign language! Sorry Dongmin, but I’ll leave you alone for the classes!” He seemed overly excited, and Jinwoo momentarily wondered if it was because he wouldn’t have to pay those expensive classes anymore or because Jinwoo would be his new teacher. He hoped it was the second option.

The four men didn’t react at first, a bit surprised by his unexpected intervention, until Dongmin answered to his loud comment. “Then I hope Jinwoo is patient enough to bear the slow student that you are.”

They all chuckled but Myungjun just pouted. Minhyuk didn’t miss the occasion and immediately made an embarrassing remark about the closeness between the student and the teacher, which permitted to make some comments about their relationship, that Myungjun was fast to deny. Jinwoo just smiled the whole time, cheeks red to their conversations, and quietly accepted Myungjun’s position. He would wait, wait until Myungjun was ready to develop their relationship, that was neither friends nor lovers. If it meant he would still be able to see him smile like that, he was ready to really keep his feelings for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Myungjuns backstory!!
> 
> I hesitated a lot while writing it, I wondered if it sounded good o.o
> 
> If I follow my plan well, two or maybe 3 chapters are left before the end of this fic!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading :3


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